


All the While

by Hermioneshandbag (Obscurilicious)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, Marauders' Era, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-28 03:26:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 34,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15699198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Obscurilicious/pseuds/Hermioneshandbag





	1. Chapter 1

You had told Sirius you loved him on three separate occasions. And you meant it from the bottom of your heart – each and every time.

Unfortunately, you had no memory of it – each and every time.

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

You weren’t always an admirer of the notorious Marauder. You were in the same house and many of the same classes, so you were always cordial to each other, but had simply never bothered to get to know each other. Sirius was busy being…well, Sirius, and you were so avid with your studies that you always felt you should have been sorted into Ravenclaw. You had no time for nonsense and Sirius had time for little else.

That’s not to say you were enemies. You had too many friends in common not to hang out occasionally, and even enjoyed each other’s company in a group over the years. Sirius enjoyed your wit and thought you were a lovely girl, your y/e/c eyes sparkling with mischief and intelligence. You found Sirius to be handsome and charming and completely capable of devastating a female’s equilibrium. Yet you hadn’t really considered each other in a romantic light. Until you did.

Oh, there was no bolt of lightning or other such dramatic moment. There were several small moments: Sirius making a joke that he knew only you would really find funny, you offering a solution to a prank conundrum Sirius was having, even though you thought his pranks were a bit childish, or just casually sitting close on the sofa in the common room as all of your friends talked and laughed late into the night. By fifth year, you even had conversations when no one else was around, rather than one or the other awkwardly leaving as soon as possible. You were…friends.

* * *

But then you both began to enjoy the company of the other rather more than platonically, though neither of you ever acted on the feelings. Indeed, even when you were hanging out without your other friends you simply enjoyed the time together, though most times it was quiet (well sort of quiet - it is Sirius, after all) companionship while you studied.

On just such an occasion, late one evening you were in an arm chair by the fire in the mostly empty common room revising for OWLs while Sirius stretched out on the sofa across from you, bare feet crossed on the armrest and casually waving his wand and making animal shapes appear from smoke. “Y/N?” he asked without looking away from his smoke farm.

“Yeeesssss?” you answered playfully.

“You know that it’s only the end of September, right, love?”

“Hence the fall decor,” you answered distractedly.

“I mean it’s a bit early to be studying for OWLs. We could do something fun once in a while.”

“We do fun stuff. Right now is my time to study for OWLs, as you well know.”

“Y/N?”

“Yesss?” You said slightly less playfully than before.

“I’ve never known you to have a boyfriend. Or even date.”

“Thank you, Sirius, for that deeply moving observation of my social life,” you answered sarcastically, not even looking up from your book.

Sirius huffed. “Well, have you? Ever had a boyfriend? Like in secret or something?”

“Nope,” you responded simply, popping the ‘p’ for emphasis.

Sirius sat up from the sofa and faced you, becoming impatient with your non-answer answers. “You know what I’m asking. Just tell me.”

You put down your quill and capped your ink that was perched somewhat precariously on the arm of the chair, then looked at Sirius and replied, “no, I don’t believe I do know what you’re asking. Do enlighten me.” Merlin, he was wearing pyjama bottoms and a t-shirt and he still looked fabulous. Could he not at least have a wonky toe?

“Ugh. Trust you to be difficult,” he complained, throwing himself dramatically back into a prone position.

You nodded regally and said, “I do what I can.”

Ignoring your sarcasm, Sirius popped back upright and forged ahead. “You’re pretty, smart, funny and always a laugh. Why haven’t you ever had a boyfriend? I know blokes have asked.”

You shrugged and said, “I just don’t have time for dating. It’s utterly pointless in any case.”

“What do you mean, pointless?”

Sirius sounded positively scandalized and you snickered a bit before answering. “Well, let’s face it. Dating seems to add a lot of unnecessary drama and wastes a lot of time that could be spent studying or enjoying my friends. Nothing will come of it except most likely a broken heart or if one is very very lucky, perhaps a venereal disease. Certainly few lasting relationships will come from dating at this age. So why bother?” you asked reasonably.

“Why bother?” Sirius repeated incredulously. “Oh I don’t know, because it’s what you do? You go on dates, you kiss blokes or birds as you prefer and sometimes you kiss the same bloke or bird for a while and sometimes you get hurt. It’s called ‘life,’ love, and you are most definitely not living it.”

“Perhaps I’m simply living an unusual type of life. In any case, females get treated so very differently than males in the dating game. Honestly, if there was a female as promiscuous as you, for example, she would be labeled as The Whore of Hogwarts, whereas you are exalted as the Don Juan of our year. In addition, I simply do not need some male claiming ownership of me.”

“So you have no intention of dating anyone while you’re a student?” asked Sirius rather dubiously.

“Not really. I might go out with someone platonically to a gathering or event, but other than that I have no plans to become involved.”

“So there is no one you like or have a crush on?” Sirius asked doggedly.

“I never said that. I am human, after all, and our biology does encourage us to find the mate who can best provide for and breed with me. I just have no intentions of letting my biology overrule my rationale.”

“Merlin, Y/N that was positively poetic. My heart is all aflutter,” Sirius said sarcastically, his hand patting his chest. “So who is it?”

“As I have no intention of acting on any romantic feelings, it hardly matters, does it?”

“But I wanna knooowwww,” Sirius whined.

With a laugh, you said, “The whining is so very attractive, Sirius. And crush or no, this girl plans to wait ‘til after school for le Grand romance.”

“That’s just not right, Y/N!” Sirius exclaimed. “Why on Earth would you miss out on a valuable part of your education like that?”

“A valuable part of my education? Honestly, Sirius, if dating were actually on the curriculums you would be exempt from the NEWTS on the topic, great trollop that you are.”

“I am a magnificent trollop,” he sniffed indignantly, making you snort a laugh. “Can men be trollops?”

“Clearly I think they can,” you giggled. “Would you prefer man-trollop? Trollop-boy?”

“Quiet you,” Sirius returned with a fake stern look.“By the by, dahling,” he said with an exaggerated upper-crust accent, “I simply loathe it when you speak like we’re at a pure-blood function.”

You laughed and said in a terrible Cockney accent, “Blimey, why d’ya fink I do it?”

You both had a laugh at that.

“So there is not a single person that if they asked you on a date you would accept?” Sirius asked curiously.

“It would depend on the invitation and the relationship with the person. Unless it was a someone I already know to go out as friends, I would most likely say no.”

Sirius grudgingly accepted your answer. “I am the Don Juan of the whole school, by the way,” Sirius said as he went back to his smoke farm.


	2. Chapter 2

Knocking. Why was there knocking? You looked at the clock on your nightstand. Three o’clock in the bloody morning??? Why did you get stuck with the bed closest to the door every year?

“Who the bloody hell is it?” you growled.

“Y/N! Open up!” More knocking.

“Make it stop!” Lily yelled.

A chorus of other voices joined her complaints as you rolled out of bed and snatched open the door, snapping, “Sirius Orion Black, you had better be bleeding profusely to be waking us all up at this hour!”

“Y/N we have a…situation. We need your help,” he said anxiously.

“Shut your bloody boyfriend up,” Lily yelled as a pillow hit you in the back.

“He is not my boyfriend!” you snapped back.

“Well, for all intents and purposes – except the fun stuff – we may as well be dating,” Sirius said helpfully.

“I am going to slowly kill you, Sirius,” you said as he reached around the doorway to grab your wand off your nightstand and then pulled you into the hallway.

“Merlin, it will all be worth it if you wear that when you do it. When did you steal my Rolling Stones t-shirt?” he said as he gazed appreciatively at the shirt hanging off your shoulder and barely covering your knickers.

“Oh my Godric, give me your jumper and get me something else to wear.”

“I know you want to get me out of my clothes but we really do have a problem,” he said as he continued to drag you down the steps from the girls’ dorms and up the steps to theirs.

“You keep saying ‘we,’” you grumbled as you allowed yourself to be dragged along.

He led you into his dorm room and there was James. You immediately started laughing hysterically. James was sitting on his bed in his trousers, covered head to toe in pig tails. Every exposed part of his body had a pink, curly tail. They were sticking out of his messy hair, on his nose, on the back of his hands and the tops of his feet.

“Thanks, Y/N. I’m so glad my suffering amuses you,” James said sarcastically.

“Oh, Jamie, this is going to warm my heart for years to come,” you said, wiping a tear from your eye and looking around as Remus and Peter were averting their eyes and Sirius was taking in the view, especially appreciating the bouncing brought about by your laughter. You smacked his arm and said, “Get me something to wear, you pervert.”

“Yeah, all right,” he grumbled as he headed to his trunk and got you some pyjama pants with a drawstring and a jumper.

After you were decent, you said, “So, I assume I am here for some reason other than to appreciate someone’s masterful hexing skills? And by ‘someone’ I assume I mean Severus?”

“Yes, it was bloody Snivellus,” James growled.

“And why haven’t you gone to see Madame Pomfrey?”

Sirius broke in, “Look, love, we set a prank, Snivellus walked into it as planned, but he threw a hex when it hit and…he got lucky. We were under the cloak but he hit James. If we go to the hospital wing, Madame P will have to report it. So can you fix it?”

“I do happen to know the counter to this curse, actually.”

Sirius picked you up and swung you around in a circle saying, “See James? I told you my girl could fix you.”

“Indeed I can – for a price,” you said with a grin.

Remus laughed and said, “I think you overestimated your charms, Sirius.”

Sirius threw Remus a dark look and then put on his best puppy dog eyes. “Y/N, love of my life,” he began.

But you interruped, “Oh rubbish, we all know James is the love of your life.”

“Oh, fine, what’s your price?” Sirius snapped.

“I have one for each of you, actually.”

James said, “Yes! Whatever you want, yes!”

“Oh, James that was unwise. You will leave Lily alone for one full month. Agreed?”

“Yes, Y/n.”

“Remus, you are just a ray of sunshine,” you said with a bright smile.

“Thank you, Y/N. I also find you to be an utter delight,” he said with a regal nod, which you returned while Sirius looked between the two of you and glowered.

“Since you’re such a gift to this world, your price is no helping them prank Snivellus for a month.”

“Agreed.”

“Peter, your cheeks make me smile. You will carry my books for me for a month, during which time I can publicly pinch your cheeks and say, ‘Look at these adorable cheeks, I just have to pinch them’ or something similar while I have unlimited access to the pinching of said cheeks. Agreed?”

“You are so weird, Y/N. Agreed,” said Peter.

“And you, self-proclaimed love of my life. Whatever shall I do with you?” you said, biting your lip and tapping your chin while you thought it through. “I do believe that you, since you clearly adore me most, can spend the next month as my indentured servant.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“Nope, you will be at my beck and call for a month. Yes or no?”

“Bloody yes, but you may not be happy with my services.”

“Tsk tsk. And you’re always bragging about how great you are at…servicing.” You waved your wand at James with a non-verbal spell and all of his tails went away.

“Thanks, Y/N,” they all mumbled.

“You’re most welcome! I guess you could say I really pulled your tails out of a crack, eh?” You and Remus found that hilarious, but needless to say, James and Sirius were not amused.

“Jeeves.”

“Ahem, Jeeves?” you said crisply.

Remus said to Sirius in a stage whisper, “I think she means you, Sirius.”

“Yes, love of my life?” he responded through gritted teeth.

“The floor is awfully cold on my bare feet. I believe I need a piggy back ride back to my door.”

Sirius sighed and turned around without a word so you could hop up on his back. “Goodnight, gentlemen. Pleasure doing business with you! Giddyup, Old Paint,” you said as you used Sirius’ hair for reins.

“I had no idea you were so diabolical, darling. I kinda like it.”

“Do you now?”

“Sure do. Flip this from a piggy back ride to a piggy front ride and I’ll show you just how much.”

“And as always, you provide the ‘pig’, yeah?”

Sirius threw his head back and barked a laugh. You had reached the common room and he dropped you on the sofa near the fireplace. “If you go back to your room, they’re gonna go spare. Wanna cuddle?”

“Promise I won’t wake up with your hand in my knickers?”

“I will only put my hand in your knickers if you promise to put your hand in mine. Deal?”

“Deal, cuddle-master,” you said tiredly as you laid down and Sirius laid facing you.

“G’night my girl. Sweet dreams,” he said with a kiss to your forehead.

You made yourself comfortable against his chest and gave him a kiss on the chin saying, “Night my sweet boy.”

“By the way,” he said with an evil grin, “I am going to picture you – cold – in my t-shirt ‘til the day I die.”

“I really hope that’s your wand poking me in the stomach,” you said without opening your eyes, refusing to let him get the last word.

He just chuckled and pulled you closer, snuggling you both to sleep.

* * *

Sirius’ month of servitude started out grudgingly for him and obnoxiously for you. You would deliberately lean back so that something was out of your reach so that you could make him fetch it for you, or ask him for three things from the same exact spot, but one at a time so he would have to make several trips. You may have actually placed the items there for the express purpose of ordering him around, as well.

Your friends noticed the behavior of the Marauders, of course. You told them they lost a bet to you, but not the nature of the bet. Lily never directly asked why James was leaving her alone, but she seemed to be mostly appreciative. You did catch her looking at him curiously a few times, though.

Remus would frequently call you ‘an utter delight,’ to which you would reply that he was a ray of sunshine. Sirius never failed to roll his eyes when Remus would kiss your hand and bow before you in a show of courtly manners.

Peter of course blushed whenever you pinched his cheeks, but faithfully carried your books to and from classes you shared.

James good humor returned, of course. He had a month of not bothering Lily to survive, though, and no criminal mastermind to help him plan pranks on Severus, so he found himself following you around as much as Sirius, though his presence was voluntary.

By the end of the first few days, Sirius found he wanted to be near you as much as possible and you stopped thinking up ridiculous tasks just to annoy him. You realized that he was a sponge for kindness and human touch, pretending to sit as near you as possible at all times so that he was available to receive your orders, but really wanting to be near to give and receive affectionate pats and strokes.

He still flirted, of course. You thought that he did it unconsciously, really, that it came as naturally to him as breathing. This side of Sirius was a bit annoying. You could be walking down the hallway, deep in conversation, and if he heard his name in a sultry voice he simply changed. He was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Ride-me. You would roll your eyes and keep walking without him, not waiting around for him to make plans to snog one of his fans.

One night, you were sitting in the common room late, Sirius with his arm wrapped around you and you sprawled on the sofa with your feet up, reading a book.

“Sirius?” you began.

“Yes, darling?” he answered softly.

“Why do you um…I guess ‘date’ so many girls? You asked me why I’ve never had a boyfriend, but I don’t really recall you seeing the same girl for very long…”

He didn’t answer for a long moment, and you thought you had upset him. “I’m sorry, that’s none of my business,” you said, starting to pull away from him.

“Don’t be silly,” he said, pulling you even closer than before. He still waited a moment to answer, as if choosing his words carefully. “They only want what they see. They don’t know me. They don’t like me. I know you think that I am a shallow arsehole most of the time –”

“I do not!” you interrupted.

Sirius placed a finger over your lips to shush you. “I know I can be a berk,” he said softly. “But I don’t make them promises or offer more than I intend to give them. Very few people actually know me. I don’t trust easily and don’t share about my family for obvious reasons. So no, I’ve never had a girlfriend for very long. Mostly because they wanted Sirius Black…not…me.”

“Do I know…you?”

Sirius smiled and said, “Love, I think you know me better than anyone but James.”

You impulsively kissed Sirius’ chin and said, “I am honored to know you, sweetie. All those dumb girls who just want you for your pretty face don’t know what they’re missing.”

Sirius hugged you so tight you thought you felt a rib crack. “Thank you, darling, for really seeing me. And still liking me,” he said with a chuckle.

“Silly boy, you know I absolutely adore you,” you said with a smile.

Sirius positively beamed.

You went back to your book and sat in companionable silence until Sirius spoke up to say, “I knew you thought I was good looking.”

“Not blind, dearest, just intelligent,” you answered in a sing-song voice.

* * *

You went up to the Astronomy Tower, knowing that you would find Sirius brooding. He had received yet another howler from his mother, if that’s what you could call her. Nothing he ever did was good enough and she was constantly, publicly berating him. He couldn’t even get away from her at school, and it was wearing on him. He had been moody and reckless of late and you were worried about him.

“Sirius,” you called gently, not wanting to startle him.

“Not now, love. I’m in a mood.”

“Oh, I’m not here for you. I have a positively burning desire to gaze up at the sky. Clouds and such. Very moving,” you said unconvincingly as you moved over to stand next to him as he leaned on the railing staring into the night sky.

“A burning desire, eh?” he said.

“Yup. Either that or indigestion,” you said, bumping your shoulder into his.

He smirked. “More likely it’s a burning desire for me.”

“Oh, yes, Sirius. Because all females, and let’s face it, most males, are completely under your spell. You, sir, are a walking love potion. Truly, I should report you to the Ministry for being illegally irresistible and charming all you meet,” you declared, waving your arms dramatically.

“Hush, you,” Sirius said, cracking a bit more of a smile.

“Nay, truly! ‘Tis unfair that there is but ONE Sirius Black, for so many unfortunate souls must go through life without your intoxicating presence! I abase myself in the presence of the greatest specimen of manly beauty and charm ever to grace wizardkind!” you finished, curtsying deeply until you started to fall over and Sirius grabbed you before you fell on your face. Both of you laughed for a moment before he sobered again.

“Why does she hate me so much, Y/N? Am I so awful?”

“Merlin, no, Sirius!” you exclaimed, pulling him into a tight hug. “She is an evil, wretched hag. You are a wonderful, intelligent, sweet, kind, caring boy and I have no idea how she ever made you.”

Sirius tucked himself around you, absorbing the affection you gave him. You rubbed his back and stroked his hair. “I don’t know how anyone could ever hate you, sweetheart. I think you’re wonderful, and I’m always right, aren’t I?” you said.

“I reckon you are,” he said against your neck.

“Know what else I am?”

“Cold?”

“You know me so well, my sweet boy. You ready to go to the common room like near the fire? Or maybe the kitchen and you can charm the house elves into some hot chocolate for me and then the common room, where I can offer a variety of cuddle spots and positions near the fire?” Sirius snickered but didn’t loosen his grip on you. “The operative part of all this is warmth.”

Sirius started nibbling on your neck and moving his hands around on your back until the slid to the sides of your hips but low enough that his fingertips grazed your bottom. “Getting warmer, darling?”

“No, but you’re going to be singing an octave or two higher if you don’t get your hands off my bum,” you responded dryly.

Sirius laughed and let go of you after another quick squeeze. “All right, all right. Some day you’re going to realize your deep love for me, you know.”

“It will be all to my loss if my arse no longer holds any fascination for you at that time,” you said gravely. “Honestly, I come up here to be nice and I get molested. I bet you wouldn’t grab James’ bottom if he was the one to find you!”

Sirius slung his arm around your shoulders, started walking to the stairs and said, “I dunno, darling, have you had a look at James’ rump? All that Quidditch. Very nice.”

Sirius stopped and turned you to face him, rubbing his hands up and down your arms. “Thank you, love. I don’t know why you put up with me, but I am forever grateful that you do.” Then he pulled you into another tight hug. You stood on tiptoes and kissed the tip of his nose.

“Why do I put up with you? Sweetheart, have you gotten a look at your own arse lately?” you said with a wink and Sirius laughed. “Honestly though, there’s no ‘putting up with’ you, dearest. You make my life better. You bring me joy and laughter. You keep me from becoming a total stick in the mud. You care about everyone. You’re smart, you’re funny, you’re cuddly…Merlin, Sirius! I am so very lucky that you’re my friend it would never occur to me to 'put up with you.’”

Sirius looked at you like he had never seen you before. Years from now, Sirius would know that this was the moment he had truly fallen in love with you. He wanted to grab you and kiss you but knew that it would be construed as more comic relief at an awkward moment, and he didn’t want you to feel awkward. He wanted you to know how much your words meant to him, how much you meant to him. But words escaped him. All he could do was take your hand and kiss it softly and gallantly, then hold it to his heart and say, “Thank you, darling. Your beauty is not just for the eye, it shines from within and fills me with hope.”

You blushed and kissed his cheek, then grabbed his arm and headed to the kitchens.


	3. Chapter 3

For the first time you could ever remember, Sirius was on the outs with the rest of the Marauders and they were all keeping the details of their feud from you. You had cornered Sirius a few times to see what was going on with him, but he would just refuse to meet your eyes and say he had “fucked up, as usual,” before walking away.

You finally dragged Remus into an empty classroom and grabbed him by the front of his robes and dragged his face down to your level. His eyes wide with surprise and maybe a little fear, Remus said, “Um, something wrong, Y/N, you utter delight?”

“Why yes, Remus, you absolute ray of sunshine. One of my dearest friends appears to be spiraling to oblivion because three of my other friends have ostracized him, and all he will tell me is that he, and I quote, ‘fucked up, as usual.’ Would you care to elaborate?”

“Look, Y/N, this is really between the four of us, and I don’t mean to be rude –”

“You haven’t seen rude or infuriated yet, Remus John Lupin! Tell. Me. What. Happened,” you said through gritted teeth.

Remus looked into your red face and furious eyes and knew he wasn’t leaving that room without telling you.

“I am about to trust you with something that could ruin my life, Y/N,” he began.

You released your hold on his robes now that you were satisfied that he was going to tell you what was going on. “So it does have to do with your furry little problem,” you stated rhetorically.

Remus eyes flashed angrily. “Sirius told you?” he snapped.

“No, and you would do well to remember that he is a fine person who makes mistakes,” you poked him in the chest and said scathingly, “but he did not make that particular mistake.

“As you may have noticed, I am not a blithering idiot and have spent a good amount of time with you over the past four-and-a-half years. Your illnesses and injuries combined with James referring to your ‘furry little problem’ around the same time each month made it fairly obvious to me.”

Remus face had gone white. “For how long?” he said quietly.

“A couple years.”

“Merlin. And you’ve never said a word or…”

“Or what?”

“Or treated me like a monster,” he said, looking down at his shoes.

“Oh, Remus,” you said, pulling him into a hug. “You’re a kind person with a chronic illness. You’re no more a monster than I am.”

“I am most fortunate in my friends,” Remus said, hugging you back.

You stepped back and said, “Now, where were we?”

Remus sighed and said, “Dumbledore planted the Whomping Willow the year I was to come here. It blocks a tunnel that leads to the shrieking shack, which is not haunted. Dumbledore built it and spread the rumors so I would have somewhere to go and change each month.”

“And you told the boys where the entrance is?”

“Yes.”

“Go on.”

“Severus has been following us around trying to figure out what’s going on, where we go and generally being a pain in the arse,” Remus said. “So, Sirius got fed up with his nosiness and…he told him how to disable the Whomping Willow, Y/N. He told him knowing that I was in the shack, transformed and would kill him without a thought.”

“No!” you gasped.

“Yes. If James hadn’t risked his life to save Snape, I would be a murderer. He did that to me, Y/N. How do I forgive that?”

“Why would he be so reckless?” you whispered. “Poor Sirius.”

“Merlin, did you say ‘Poor Sirius,’ Y/N? He deliberately sent someone to his certain death!” he said angrily.

“Remus, this is not like him! You three are the most important people in his life! He would die before he would hurt you. And he is dying without you,” you said passionately.

“I guess I was so angry I didn’t stop to think about it that way,” Remus said, running his hand through his hair in exasperation. “But I can’t just let him think what he did was a lark!”

“He doesn’t think that, Remus. He doesn’t think before he acts, then spends the rest of his life thinking about how terrible he is. No one could ever hate him as much as he hates himself,” you said with tears in your eyes and in your voice. “Haven’t you seen how different he’s been since he came back from Christmas with those horrid people?”

Remus considered what you said for a few moments, then sighed and said, “All right, Y/N. You’ve convinced me. Let’s go find your boy.”

You beamed a smile at Remus and dragged him off to hunt down Sirius.

“By the way, Y/N” Remus said as you ran. “You’re as important to him as the rest of us.”

* * *

You entered the common room, exhausted from taking one OWL and needing to revise for another. The room was packed with other students who couldn’t get a table in the library – and Sirius “Never Studies But Still Gets Os” Black, was reclining on the sofa, taking up the whole thing rather than make room for others.

You stalked over to him and shoved his feet off the couch, saying “move your big, smelly hooves and make room for other people, you great moose.”

“Oi! I was resting, Y/N!” he responded indignantly.

“Well, now I’m revising,” you snapped.

“So cranky,” Sirius said as he started to put his feet in your lap.

You looked at him and said, “If you value your expensive shoes, feet, ability to walk upright and perhaps your life, you will rethink that.”

Sirius looked at you as if trying to decide whether you meant business. Deciding that you were prepared to follow through on your threat, Sirius turned and laid his head in your lap, saying, “we both win.”

You considered for a moment the effort vs. reward of fighting this and decided to let him stay. After your acceptance of his residence in your lap, you felt Sirius relax. You decided to use his chest as a book holder and absent-mindedly began to stroke his hair. Sirius made a contented sound and snuggled closer to your stomach, then nuzzled the underside of your breasts until you smacked him on the head automatically.

After you let him know he had to behave, Sirius settled in and you continued to play with his hair. After a while, you said, “If becoming an Auror doesn’t work out for you, you could always become a therapy pet. I reckon I finally found a use for you!” You playfully poked him in the nose and he snapped and caught your finger in his teeth. He flicked his tongue against the tip of your finger, causing you to gasp and jerk your finger back.

“I assure you, darling, I have many other uses,” he said in a low voice, winking.

You pushed his shoulders and caught him off guard so he wound up on the floor. “Oof,” he grunted before climbing back onto the couch and laying his head back on your lap.

“Honestly, Sirius, I don’t go around groping you all the time. What makes you think it’s ok for you to do it?”

He tipped his head back and said, “Darling, you are free to grope me any time you want. No charge.”

* * *

The next day, Sirius was standing in a group with James, Remus and Peter waiting for class when he jumped and grabbed his backside, letting out a rather unmanly shriek. When he turned to look behind him, he found you holding your sides laughing and realized that you had taken him up on his invitation. “Knew you couldn’t resist, Y/N!” he said with a grin.

“It is truly all I ever dreamed it would be, Sirius,” you replied with a wink.

Remus had figured out what had happened and was laughing so hard tears streamed down his cheeks, while James was saying, “What did I miss?” and Peter looked back and forth between the two of you, utterly in the dark.

* * *

It was a beautiful warm day and you were finished with your OWLs. You had worked hard revising and you were certain that you had done well.

You had joined a group of your friends by Black Lake, just standing around shooting the breeze and comparing answers from the exams. You had shed your robes and tie and were just wearing your skirt and blouse.

Suddenly, you felt something cold on the back of your knee, and then felt your skirt move and you jumped with a shriek. There was a giant black dog with his head under your skirt!!

You jumped away and said, “No! Bad boy!” The dog merely sat back on his massive haunches and held up one paw, then covered his snout with it and laid down on his belly in the doggy shame pose.

You loved dogs. You would have had packs of dogs if they didn’t make your mum sneeze. So you dropped to one knee and started scratching behind his ears and baby talking him. “Who’s a g’boy? Yes you are! He’s a big silly boy!!”

At this point, the dog rolled over on his back and waved his paws in the universal language of doggy love that says, “Scratch my tummy and my life will be complete.”

At this point you sat on the grass and rubbed his tummy vigorously, telling him what a sweet boy he is and generally being ridiculous.

Just then, something caught your eye and you noticed James, Remus and Peter laughing themselves silly. Where was Sirius? And what was so funny?

You must have spoken the questions aloud, because the dog perked and turned his head sideways at the words you spoke. You looked into his pewter eyes, noted the black hair that really didn’t smell all that doggy and you wondered if those twits had done something irrevocably stupid and dangerous.

“Whose baby are you then? Someone must love you very much, your coat is so soft and in good shape, like your winter undercoat has been properly combed out. Somebody loves you!”

“Well, I can’t just leave such a sweetie cuddler as you out here all by his widdle wonesome, can I?” you asked as you pulled your tie from your bag along with a ginger snap you had tucked away for a snack. As you distracted the hound with the cookie, which he gobbled right up, you slipped your tie over his head as a makeshift leash.

“Let’s go see if Hagrid knows anything about you, eh? We’ll get you right where you ought to be, love. If I keep you you’re going to need to have a visit to the pet vet, though. So you can get n-e-u-t-e-r-e-d,” you spelled, watching surreptitiously for his reaction. The dog visibly blanched.

As you walked you looked at the Marauders out of the corner of your eyes and James was literally rolling on the ground laughing.

“Oi those silly boys. I love them all like brothers, but they’re so rambunctious. Now I wonder where Sirius is, he’s usually to be found with those boys. Nasty sort he is.” The dog whined a bit at this and gave you big puppy dog eyes. “My Gran always said, ‘Y/N, you reap what you sow.’ I never really understood that, but after knowing Sirius for a while I reckon it makes more sense. He thinks he can charm any woman and make her the butt of jokes, and it’s just not kind.”

The big dog hung his head and whined a bit, and the boys were starting to worry about where you were taking him.

You approached Hagrid’s cabin, yet went around behind it to step into the very edge of the Forbidden Forest. You pulled your wand out and pointed it at the giant dog and said, “If you are not a giant, daily pain in my arse in animagus form, this spell won’t hurt you. If you are in fact Sirius, I haven’t ever cast this spell and sincerely hope to do so correctly as not to leave parts of you doggy.”

Suddenly, in the blink of an eye and the loss of some fur, Sirius stood before you, your tie still around his neck.

“You. Put. Your. Head. Under. My. SKIRT!!!” you said, each word getting progressively louder until you screamed the last, pulling the tie around his neck for emphasis.

“Darling, it was a bit of a prank! Just a lark!” he said, holding his hands up defensively.

“Your HEAD was under my SKIRT!” Another jerk on the tie.

“You’re upset.”

“You noticed!” you yelled, whacking his nose with your wand. You didn’t lose your temper often, but when you did it was best if everyone around you took cover.

“Y/N!” James said loudly, taking in the scene before him of a wide-eyed Sirius looking pretty scared while you had jerked his head down to your height and were pointing your wand between his eyes.

“What?” you snarled. “Do you turn into a bloody bird so you can crawl into my cleavage?”

Sirius had the audacity to smirk at that. You tightened the tie in your fist.

“Y/N.” Remus said, speaking slowly and softly as if trying to tame a ravening beast. “Let Sirius go now. We all know he’s an idiot –”

“Hey!” Sirius interrupted indignantly.

“BUT,” Moony continued, “we are all responsible because we egged him on. I mean, none of us thought he’d do it, but still. So if you’re going to kill him, you have to kill us all.”

“Perhaps I will,” you said quietly, but the storm had passed and you let go of your tie and put away your wand. “Leave me alone,” you said as you turned and walked away.

* * *

“You need to apologize, mate,” James said as they watched you walk away.

“Oh d’you think so?” Sirius said sarcastically.

“You could get her flowers,” Peter suggested meekly.

“Or tell her you’re in love with her and it’s making you an insufferable ass,” Remus muttered.

Sirius ignored that suggestion. But he had never seen you so angry. Beside the fact that you were magnificent when you were angry, Sirius didn’t even know you had such a temper.

His apology would need to be superb.

* * *

You woke up to a tapping noise the next morning. Bleary eyed and honestly still knackered, you found the source of the tapping to be an owl repeatedly rapping its beak on your bedpost.

You sat up and detached the message from it’s leg and it immediately took off and flew through the window left open for the fresh breeze. You opened the message and it said, _Peter said I should get you flowers._ That was all.

It was Sirius’ handwriting, of course. You’d know his scrawl anywhere. Despite his devil-may-care attitude toward school, his penmanship was elegant perfection.

“Halfwit,” you muttered, shoving the note into the drawer on your nightstand. Though it was barely daylight, you were now angry enough to be awake for the day. You went into the lavatory to shower and get ready for class.

When you emerged, dressed and combed, you found a long white box on your bed. You opened it to find a dozen perfect red roses. The note attached said, _But Remus said I should get you chocolates, that chocolate makes everything better._

You pulled a rose out of the bundle and inhaled deeply. Sirius never did anything by half, they were fragrant and beautiful. You found a makeshift vase and filled it with water and arranged your flowers in it before grabbing your bag and heading down to the common room to read for a while before breakfast.

The common room was empty and you went to sit on your favorite chair by the fireplace, but there was a Honeyduke’s box with a red bow and a card in your seat. You looked around and picked up the box and sat down with it in your lap, removing the card from the envelope. _James said it needed to be something as special as you are to me._

You opened the box to see a variety of chocolates, all of them delicious and among your favorites. He did know your taste.

After you replaced the lid to the candies, you opened your bag to get out the novel you were reading. It was “Pride and Prejudice” by Jane Austen. You had borrowed it from Lily last year and it had become your favorite. In place of your tatty paperback, there was a lovely embossed hardback version. On the page where you had left off, there was an envelope.

_Be not alarmed, madam, on receiving this letter._ Alright, he was good. That was the first line of the letter Mr. Darcy wrote to Elizabeth in Pride and Prejudice. 

_I bribed Lily to put this in your bag, in case you were wondering. I need you to know how much I regret my stupidity yesterday. You know how many times I have done assinine things that I regret in the past, but never have I so quickly or deeply regretted my behavior as I did yesterday._

_Y/N, you are one of the most important people in my life. You make me feel worthy. I cannot tell you how much that means to me, nor how awful I feel to have cheapened all of the kindness, understanding and affection you have shown me over the years. There are days when seeing you is the only thing that gets me through. You know almost everything about me, yet you still call me friend. I have no words to express how much that means to me._

_So please, I beg of you, forgive this halfwit for his mongrel behavior. You mean the world to me and I can’t imagine my life without you in it._

_So very sorry, Love._

_Your (hopeful) friend,_

_Sirius_

Sirius had appeared across from you on the sofa while you read the letter. He looked as if he hadn’t slept. He had been studying his shoes with his elbows on his knees since his arrival.

“How on Earth did you do this all in one night?” you asked casually as you wiped tears from your cheeks.

Sirius looked up at you and his eyes were red-rimmed and damp. Clearing his throat, he said, “I snuck out to Hogsmeade yesterday before shops closed. Except the book. I had it for your birthday. And then I wrote the notes and the letter.”

“Ah,” you responded.

You were both quiet for a while, then you said, “You hurt me Sirius. You stuck your head under my skirt. You suckered me into rubbing your belly, for Godric’s sake. You humiliated me in front of our friends and made me feel like I meant nothing at all to you. Then you treated me like I was overreacting.”

“I know. I was so stupid. I wish I could take it back but I know that I can’t. And I understand if you don’t want to be my friend anymore. But I need you to know how much I hate myself right now,” he said, tears on his cheeks and voice rough.

You looked at him for a moment and your heart went out to him. He was impulsive and goofy and sometimes, yes, downright annoying. But he was your friend. You opened your arms to him and he tumbled to his knees and laid his head in your lap, arms around your waist the entire time, miracle of miracles. He rambled incoherently about how he would never hurt you again and thanked you repeatedly as you held him close and stroked his back.

After he calmed down and you were just stroking his hair, he looked up into your eyes and said, “You shine light into my life when I can’t see anything but darkness. You have stood by my side through all of the things my parents and cousins have said about me and made me believe they were wrong. I don’t deserve you.”

“Sirius, of course you deserve me. You’re a sweet, wonderful, loyal friend. You just fucked up,” you said with a smile as you held his face gently between your hands. “But sweetheart, you need to start thinking before you act. First what you did to Remus, and now this with me? We are your friends and we adore you! Please, please, use that marvelous brain you have,” you said with a tap to his temple.

Sirius looked at you with complete adoration, jumped to his feet and pulled you to yours for a tight hug, kissing the top of your head. Then he traded places with you, dropped into your chair with you on his lap and just cuddled you.

“So what’s up with becoming an animagus?”


	4. Chapter 4

You stood in front of the Potter house for a moment, the sun warm on the back of your neck, then walked up and knocked rather timidly on the door. Though you had been there before, you were uninvited and nervous after the reception you had received at Grimmauld Place.

James answered after a moment, surprise showing on his face before realization lit his features. “I didn’t answer your owl!”

“Hello, James,” you said with a smile. “And no, you didn’t. And neither did Sirius. I was just going to bend his ear about it because my mum’s at me to see who’ll be coming to the party, but when I went round his house they said he doesn’t live there. What in Merlin’s name happened?”

“James? Who’s come to visit? Don’t leave a guest on the porch!” his mother called from inside.

“It’s just Y/N, Mum,” he answered, gesturing for you to come inside.

“Hello, dear,” his mother said kindly. “Goodness, aren’t you tan? I suppose you’ve come about Sirius. As much as he talks about you, I know the two of you are close.”

“Actually, I have no idea what’s happened.”

“Jamie didn’t tell you? Well, I suppose that’s up to Sirius, at that.”

“Is he here, then?” you asked James.

“Yes,” James answered reluctantly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I don’t know if he’ll want to see you, though.”

“James Fleamont Potter, you had better cut the rubbish and tell me what’s happened or so help me,” you threatened, waving a fist under his nose.

“It’s all right, James,” Sirius said from the stairs. Your eyes flew from James to Sirius, taking in his disheveled appearance and the stiff way he held himself in the shadows at the top of the stairs.

You lowered your fist from menacing James and asked Sirius, “all right if I come up?” When he nodded yes, you went up the stairway to meet him, then followed him down the hall to his room.

Sirius closed the door behind you and slowly turned to face you, causing you to gasp. He had numerous half-healed cuts and bruises in his face and forearms, and Merlin only knew what was hidden beneath his clothes.

Sirius watched your expression range from shock to sadness to fury. “Did your parents do this? I will MURDER them!!!!” you bellowed, hands balled into fists at your sides and body stiffened in anger.

Sirius was so taken by surprise that he actually cracked his first smile since he ran away from home. Unfortunately, this caused the split in his lip to reopen and start to bleed again.

“Oh, shit, your lip is bleeding!” you said as you looked around for a tissue. Finding one on the dresser, you grabbed it and took it to Sirius, gingerly pressing it to his mouth. “Do you want to talk about it?” you asked him quietly.

“Not right now,” he answered in a whisper. You slipped your arms around his waist and gave him a light hug, not knowing what injuries were hidden beneath his clothes and afraid to hurt him more than he already was. He held onto you, folding his lanky frame against you and burying his nose against your neck.

After a long moment, you pulled away from him and said, “Well, then, Mr. Thinks-He-Doesn’t-Have-To-Answer-My-Owls!” You dropped onto his bed and crossed your ankles, drawing Sirius’ eyes to your long, tanned legs in shorts and sandals.

“Hey!! I have a legitimate excuse!” Sirius answered indignantly, grateful for you changing your mood and the topic. He moved over and sat on the edge of the bed and put his hand on your smooth, bare knee and started sliding it up your thigh.

“Behave,” you said, smacking his hand like a naughty child.

“But I’m hurt. Don’t you think you should kiss my ouchies?” he said with a leer.

“Honestly, if you can start hitting on me, you’ll be fine.” Then you smiled and put your hand on his cheek. “You will be fine, Sirius.”

He leaned into your touch and said softly, “I guess if you say so, I have to believe it. You’re scary.”

You stuck your tongue out and said, “And don’t you forget it!” You bounded off the bed and turned to Sirius. “So are you coming to my party?”

“Y/N, love, look at me. D’you really want me to come looking like this?” he asked, once again with downcast eyes as if it was his fault.

“Eh, we’ll just tell them you got caught in bed with some guy’s wife and he beat you up.”

“We will not!” Sirius looked up and replied hotly.

“You got caught with some guy and his wife beat you up?”

“No!”

“You like it rough?” you tried with a smirk.

“Honestly, Y/N, if I didn’t feel so shitty right now I’d turn you over my knee.”

“Hey hey…I said you like it rough, not me!” you responded impishly, hand on your chest as if denying an accusation.

Sirius made a face and started stalking you, carefully staying between you and the door. “That does it, cheeky girl. Time to teach you not to make fun!”

You shrieked and stayed out of his reach, dodging well until your feet got caught up in a discarded t-shirt and you fell flat on your face. Sirius smacked your bum once then rolled you over on your back, straddled you and began the dreaded tickle attack.

As you howled with laughter and Sirius made various claims of superiority, James and his mother peeked into the room to see what the ruckus was about. James was shocked to see Sirius laughing, but his mother recognized the healing being done to Sirius’ soul and closed the door quietly.

“Truce truce!” you yelled.

“There are no truces in tickle wars!” Sirius answered, still running his fingers over the spots that produced the most laughter.

“Well, there’s about to be a puddle in this tickle war,” you said with a warning.

“And, truce,” Sirius said as he hopped off your stomach and stood up, then offered you a hand up. When you were on your feet he pulled you in for another hug. “I never would have expected to laugh today. Thank you.”

“Oh, sweetie, any time you want me to tease you and beat you in a tickle war, I am here for you.”

“I won,” Sirius said with another slap to your backside which produced a yip from you.

“Please come to my party,” you said quietly as you leaned back in his embrace to look into his eyes. 

“As your date?” he joked.

“Mm hmm, sure. I’ll even let you hold my hand.”

Sirius started sliding his hands down your back and said, “Rather hold this,” as his hands got to the top of your bum.

With a yelp, you jumped back, shaking your head. “What did I say about groping me? You are incorrigible.”

“I do my best,” he said with a wink.

“I’ll see you Saturday?”

“I’ll be there with bells on. And nothing else.”

You rolled your eyes at him. “Merlin but you’re a pervert. Try and control yourself around my Dad, he may not see the humor.”

“I’m not stupid,” he said with an eye roll of his own.

“I have to get going. Walk me out?” you asked, reaching for his hand.

“Wait” he said. “You didn’t kiss my ouchies.”

“C’mere,” you said, gently pecking the various cuts and bruises on his face.

“You missed one,” he said, pointing to his split lip. You looked at his lip and then into his eyes.

“Dream on, my lad,” you winked.

* * *

The day of your party rolled around. It was just a casual barbecue with some friends. Nothing huge or wild, just a chance to visit with chums from school that you missed over the summer.

Sirius was insecure about his appearance, of course. He was accustomed to being noticed for his looks, but in a good way. To hear curiosity combined with sick fascination embarrassed him.

So you kept him with you, kissed his cheek often, and when someone asked what happened, you said, “He took on four guys without his wand to defend my honor. And you should see the other guys.”

After he and James stayed and helped your parents clean up, Sirius pulled you aside and gave you a big hug. “How do you always know exactly what to do or say to make me feel better?”

“I thought you knew!” you said with feigned surprise. “I’m a bloody genius and I adore you.”

“You are and thank Godric you do,” he said as he pulled you still closer and kissed the top of your head.

Then he abruptly let you go and said, “Thank you for your hospitality, Mr. Y/L/N. I had a great time.”

“Thank you for helping clean up. And apparently for saving my daughter’s life from a pack of ruffians,” your father responded with a smile.

“She’s the one that saves me on a regular basis, Mr. Y/L/N. I dunno what I’d do without her,” Sirius answered.

* * *

The rest of the summer passed uneventfully. You spent more time at the Potter house and the boys and you all knocked about, going to Muggle music stores and eating candy and ice cream. After Sirius found the mechanical equivalent of James and bought his motorcycle, you hung around in the Potter’s garage a good bit, too.

Things were mostly just lazy and calm until two weeks before school was to begin. Your Mum was taking you shopping on Diagon Alley, not coincidentally when Sirius and James would be there, and you ran into them in Flourish & Blott’s. Sirius grabbed you into a hug and dropped big, sloppy kisses on both cheeks. James just said hello with a smile.

“So, gotten any good owls lately?” you asked carefully.

“D’you mean did Marlene invite us to the party? Yes, she did,” Sirius responded with a smile.

“Yay!” you said excitedly, clapping your hands. “I love to swim, I’m excited it’s a pool party.”

“And I’m excited to see you in a bikini,” Sirius said, wiggling his eyebrows.

You blushed and looked over your shoulder to see where your mum was while Sirius and James laughed at your reaction.

“First of all, I don’t own a bikini. Next, mind your tongue while my mum’s around!”

“I’d be happy to mmff mmmff –” he said until you put your hand over his mouth.

“If the next words out of your mouth have anything to do with your tongue, just don’t.”

So instead of talking about his tongue, Sirius licked your hand with it.

“Ugh,” you said, wrinkling your nose and wiping your hand on his shirt while James laughed his arse off. “Mongrel.”

“Love you, too, darling,” he answered with a wink.

* * *

Marlene had invited all of her roommates for a shopping day and sleepover. Everyone floo’d to her house bright and early to get a quick start to the marathon shopping ahead.

You planned to buy some new muggle clothes and you had a feeling there would be lots of fashion shows and giggles.

In a favorite store, everyone decided to buy new swimsuits. Loading up your arms with colorful fabric, you all descended upon the fitting rooms. As you each stepped into your first choices, you came out into the communal area to critique each other.

You were the only one to pick a one piece suit.

“Merlin, Y/N, you look like my Gran!” Marlene exclaimed.

“I do not!” you said indignantly.

Lily saw what Marlene meant and went into your room and grabbed the rest of the suits you chose to try. “They’re all so boring, Y/N!”

You snatched them from Lily’s hands and said, “I wear swimsuits to swim, Lily. If I wore a couple scraps of fabric like that I’d spend the whole time making sure my bits and pieces were covered!”

“Maybe you should uncover a bit or piece once in a while, Y/N. Might find yourself a boyfriend,” Marlene teased.

“She’ll never get a boyfriend as long as she has Black permanently attached to her side. Godric, Y/N, you should just go ahead and shag him. Everyone thinks you are anyway,” Lily added.

“They do?” you asked, surprised. You had never heard rumor of any such thing.

“Well…no one who knows you does,” she admitted.

“Ah,” you said in relief. “Not that it matters, I don’t want a boyfriend. But I wouldn’t want people to think Sirius is the type to cheat on me. He’s really very honorable.”

“Y/N, you are so crazy about Sirius it’s ridiculous,” Mary piped in.

“What? No!” you squeaked. “No no no! We’re just really good friends. That’s all.”

Marlene handed you a swimsuit and said, “Try this on. Live a little.”

“This looks really complicated…” you said hesitantly.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Y/N. It’s just a string bikini,” she said as she pushed you into your fitting room to change.

You went in and dutifully put it on, then came back out to show your friends.

“Wow,” Lily said. “You have to buy that. It looks amazing on you.”

“I can’t wear this in public,” you said, moving fabric around to try to cover more of you.

“If you don’t buy that and wear it then this, this moment right here will be the turning point in your life. Will you be bold? Will you see what you want and grab it or just wait for whatever is left after bold ones grab what they want in life?”

“I’m supposed to say I’ll grab, right?” you said, still trying to adjust the fabric so that it didn’t leave more than necessary uncovered.

It did look good on you. It was a burgundy top, gathered in the center. The strings from the top tied, while the bottom ties crossed over in back and tied on to the sides of the tiny bikini bottom.

“What if it comes untied? There I’ll be with my jubblies bouncin’ about. And, Merlin, look how low cut the bottoms are. I’ll need to do some pruning!” you said with a laugh.

* * *

“I can’t wear this in front of…people!” you wailed.

Lily and Mary shared a look as they watched you attempt to cover your bum more than the fabric allowed. Marlene, as hostess, had gone out to receive her guests. It was up to them to prod you out the door.

“You look fantastic, Y/N! The boys will all go crazy for you,” Lily said, trying to tame your nerves a bit.

“I don’t want all the boys crazy for me!”

Mary sighed, “We need to get outside, Y/N.”

“You go without me, I’m going to find my old swimsuit. I’ll be out in a minute.”

“No! Y/N, you look stunning and I will not allow you to change,” Lily said sternly.

“Besides,” Mary said with a grin, “Marlene knew you’d chicken out so she hid your old suit. You’ll never find it.”

“I hate you all,” you said weakly.

They both laughed. “Here,” Lily said as she tossed you a t-shirt. “Put this on until you get your nerve. We need to go outside or Marlene will kill us all.”

* * *

“Y/N!” Sirius said as he hopped off his lounger where he had been reclining to hurry over to you and grab you in a hug, kissing your cheek and twirling you around.

You smiled at the warm greeting and wrapped your arms around his neck and said, “Hello, Sirius! I’ve missed you!”

He put you down in front of him and you took in his naked chest and legs and Merlin when did his shoulders get so broad and is that hair on his chest and oh dear don’t look at the trail of hair below his navel LOOK INTO HIS EYES FOR GODRIC’S SAKE!! ”Are you having fun?” you asked too loudly, then cringed at the sound of your own voice.

Sirius wiggled his eyebrows and leaned forward to whisper into your ear, “See anything you like, darling?”

You felt your face go crimson. There was no point in lying. He was gorgeous and he knew it. So you shrugged and said, “Course I do. Like I said, not blind, also not stupid.”

Sirius threw his head back in his marvelous laugh that always made you feel…happy. Like his happiness brought you joy.

“Wanna go for a dip, love?” he asked, pulling you toward the pool. “It’s heated but not too warm.”

You glanced over at the pool filled with laughing teenagers and wanted desperately to join them, but you weren’t ready to take off your t-shirt. “You go ahead, I’m gonna lounge for a bit,” you said reluctantly.

“Nonsense! We have the rest of our lives to lie around, come swim with me,” he said, pulling you by the hand more insistently.

“Sirius, stop! I’m not ready!”

Sirius turned to look at you, then shrewdly took in the t-shirt and guessed someone had gotten a new bikini and was having some buyer’s remorse.

“Darling?”

“Yes, Sirius?” you asked, knowing him well enough to recognize from his tone of voice that he had guessed the issue.

“Isn’t that my t-shirt?”

You looked down. It was indeed his Rolling Stones t-shirt.

“I believe it is, yes,” you said with dread.

“I’d like it back, please,” he said with a grin.

You stared him down for a moment. You knew that he was taking his shirt back one way or another. It would not be at all beyond him to wrestle it off, and then Merlin only knew what else would pop out of the scraps of fabric and string.

“Fine,” you grumped with a dirty look.

Sirius was struck dumb. You took his shirt off and it was like he was watching a film in slow motion, the way his t-shirt slipped up your tummy, bare to well below your navel. Then ties criss-crossed your upper abdomen and led to the corners of the swimsuit bottoms. As his shirt lifted still higher, it revealed your breasts covered in the least amount of fabric possible. And from what he could see, the fabric looked thin and clingy, creating the mental picture of the fabric wet and moulded to your nipples as they became erect from the cool water. As you finished pulling off the shirt, you flipped your hair back out of your face and tossed it to him, where it landed on his shoulder as he made no attempt to catch it.

Sirius was trying to gain control of his thoughts, which all involved the eventuality of sinking into your soft, curvy body with his own. As his eyes continued to drink in all of your exposed, delectable skin, his brain attempted to decide between three options: 1) throw you over his shoulder and find someplace to remove that suit with his teeth and then ravish you, 2) put his t-shirt back on you over your bikini so none of the other males looking at you could see what was his, then throw you over his shoulder and find someplace to remove that suit with his teeth and then ravish you or 3) try to get control of his rising erection that was probably becoming visible and say something to cover the incredibly awkward silence as he stared like a drooling pervert at one of his best friends.

“Sirius? What’s wrong with you? You’re acting weird,” you said after he stared silently for a long moment. It seemed like forever to Sirius but in reality must have been only a few seconds. Good, he could recover from this.

_Option three, then. Think, damn you! No, not about taking the suit off with your –!!_

“I…have teeth.” His eyes flew open wide. _No no no,_ he thought, _I did not just tell her I have teeth, did I?_

You reached up to feel his forehead and he jumped back. “I’m getting Remus, something is wrong with you!” you said as you turned to grab Remus away from the group he was chatting with.

Sirius thought he could not be more shell-shocked, and then he saw the ass of his fantasies, the one he couldn’t keep his hands away from but had never seen so nearly unclothed. He knew he had a total tent in his suit now and pulled the t-shirt off his shoulder to hold in front of his crotch. He was mesmerized by the utter perfection bouncing away from him, the two rounded globes that he knew would fit perfectly in his hands as he….

“Remus, something is wrong with Sirius,” you whispered urgently in his ear, not wanting to alarm others. You grabbed his hand and pulled him over to where Sirius still stood. Remus took one look at Sirius looking at you and knew what the problem was.

“You’re right, Y/N, he does look flushed. Let’s get you inside where it’s cooler, mate,” Remus said, grabbing Sirius by the arm and pulling him along, snapping him out of what appeared to be a vicious struggle between his brain and the contents of his swim trunks.

“Pull it together, Padfoot,” Remus whispered harshly, giving his arm a shake.

You trailed along behind Sirius and Remus, so Remus headed to the only place he knew you wouldn’t follow. Sirius was trusting his judgment because he knew his own was utterly compromised at the moment.

“I’ve got this, Y/N. He wouldn’t want you to see him…um…overheated…like this,” Remus said vaguely.

“Oh, alright, I’ll wait out here.”

“No!” Remus said, pushing Sirius into the lavatory. “Go on back outside, I’ll take care of this one.”

Sirius was aware enough to throw his shirt to you and say, “Put this back on!” before Remus closed the door on your confused expression.

“What is wrong with you, Padfoot?” Remus whisper-yelled.

“What’s wrong with me? Did you see that bikini?”

“Yes, she looked lovely,” Remus said, deliberately missing the point.

“Lovely? She was naked, Remus! I’m going to go make sure she put that shirt on,” Sirius said as he started for the door.

“Mate! As if it is not awkward enough for us to be in the loo together, I don’t want you to go running back out there with a raging boner!” Remus said as he blocked the door. “Splash some water on your face and get ahold of yourself!”

“I’d rather do that in private, thanks,” Sirius muttered, finally gaining some control over himself.

“Oh ha ha,” Remus sneered. “Think you can refrain from hitting her over the head and dragging her to your cave now, mate?”

“Ohh Merlin,” Sirius groaned, remembering just how ridiculously he had acted.

“Exactly,” Remus said. “Why don’t you just tell her?”

“She doesn’t date and she thinks I’m a slag. I’ve told you,” he growled. “I’m going home. Tell her I’m sick or something, yeah?”

“Of course. I do so enjoy cleaning up your messes,” Remus growled right back.


	5. Chapter 5

You were not the most graceful girl at Hogwarts. You had been known to stub your toe, burn yourself brewing potions or simply trip over your own feet and fall. You were the only 6th year that still regularly had skinned knees. You were a klutz.

So when Sirius heard you squeak behind him on the stairs, he automatically reached for you to grab your hand, but it was too late. You tumbled down a rather long and very hard flight of marble stairs, landing in an inelegant pile at the bottom of the steps.

Sirius rushed to your side and attempted to wake you, gently tapping your cheeks and calling your name. When your eyes didn’t even flutter, Sirius picked you up bridal style and rushed you to the hospital wing.

“Madame Pomfrey, she’s fallen down the steps and hit her head on the way down and has been unconscious the entire way here,” Sirius blurted out quickly.

“Well, lie her down and we’ll have a look.”

After a few moments examination, Madame Pomfrey said, “Merlin, she did hit every step on the way down, didn’t she? She’s going to need potions and a good bit of rest. It’s only the second week of school, Mr. Black. You should return to class.”

“I think I’ll stay, just ‘til she wakes up. I want her to see a friendly face,” Sirius said quietly. “She will be all right, yeah?”

“I believe so, Mr. Black,” she responded kindly.

Sirius waited impatiently for you to awaken. He had been at your bedside for hours, though Madame Pomfrey had urged him to return to class a few more times and your friends had come and gone when they heard the news of your accident.

His mind began to drift to his dating conversation with you last school year. Well, it had really been more of a fishing expedition. Sirius had been harboring a crush on you since he saw you again at the beginning of third year on the Hogwarts Express. Over the summer you had started getting curves and he had gotten taller and his voice deeper and he suddenly noticed you as a girl and not just a mate.

Although Sirius had never had to experience jealousy due to your no dating policy, he still longed to be with you. Yet he knew that his own dating habits probably were not helping things. Hope died hard within Sirius, however. He dreamed of a day when you were ready for romance. Hopefully then his family, past and your very friendship would not come between you.

Sirius was pulled from his musings by your sleepy mumbling. “Sirius? Where are you?”

Startled, Sirius leaned forward and brushed your hair back and replied gently, “I’m right here, love. I’m never far.”

You were obviously still asleep, though. You began to thrash a bit and called for Sirius again. After he softly yet insistently responded to your cries, you began to settle down, mumbling softly, “Don’t leave me.”

“I won’t, darling,” Sirius answered softly.

“Love you, Sirius.”

Madame Pomfrey heard the commotion and came to check on you, but Sirius was dumbfounded. Wait, you loved him? Impossible. Did you treat him any differently than any of your friends? No one had ever implied that you had feelings for him. Was this just a confused rambling of a concussion?

Several hours later it was dark in the hospital wing and Sirius was drifting in and out of sleep, halfway on the chair and his head on the bed near your hand. He felt something on his head and woke up enough to realize that you were stroking his hair. He rubbed against your hand like the puppy he was and then looked up at you and smiled. “Feeling better, love?”

You took a moment to respond, noting how the dim light in the hospital shimmered in Sirius’ eyes and made his hair glimmer almost blue. Of course you had noticed he was handsome before, but why did he look so much more so now? “I guess?” you responded uncertainly. “What happened?”

“You don’t remember…anything?”

“We were late to class after scouting a prank position…”

“Yes. My fault, that. You tripped and fell down the steps. I tried to catch you…” he said with regret.

“Pshhh Sirius,” you scoffed. “I was born clumsy. Mum has always said that my brain is two steps ahead of my feet. Or is it the other way around?”

“Still. I tried to catch you,” he said quietly, stroking your hair back from your forehead. “So you don’t remember anything at all?” he asked again.

“Sirius, is there something I should remember?”

“No, course not,” he answered quickly with a smile. “I just wondered.”

* * *

It was the night of Sirius’ 17th birthday and a group of you had gone up to the Marauders’ dorm room for a small celebration, including cake and firewhiskey. It was a school night so nobody was hitting the bottle too heavily, but James insisted everyone toast the Birthday Boy.

You had put a lot of thought into his gift and you were nervous about giving it to him. Now that you had it wrapped and in hand, it felt too personal, though perhaps it wouldn’t seem so to others. You knew how much Sirius loved his new motorbike, spending most of his time over the summer working on it with James after he found it for sale. You had been there a few afternoons handing him tools, yourself. So, when his birthday was on the horizon, you tried to think of something he could use with the bike.

You had gone to a magical leathersmith in Hogsmeade and ordered him custom black leather gloves spelled for warmth, extra protection in a collision, and to fit themselves perfectly to his hands when he put them on for the first time. They were supple and you had had his initials embossed at the wrist on both of them, as well as “Happy 17th Birthday! Love, Y/N” inside them.

Along with the gloves, you got him a small saddlebag that was enchanted with an undetectable extension charm and a few security measures to ensure that his possessions would remain safe. It was also embossed with his initials.

It seemed that everyone else had either gotten him firewhiskey or gag gifts. You were feeling foolish and sneakily pushed the package back under Sirius’ bed that you were leaning against. Of course you weren’t as sly as you thought, and a few pairs of observant eyes saw your actions. Sirius continued to laugh along with the group, but wondered why you had hidden your package, while Remus and Lily suspected that you were having second thoughts on a gift with too much sentiment attached.

After a bit more celebration, Lily and Remus said they had to patrol and somehow shooed everyone else out of the room yet corralled you and Sirius in the dorm. Realizing that your covert actions with the gift hadn’t been overlooked after all, you pulled the package out from under the bed with a blush staining your cheeks.

“Happy Birthday, Sirius,” you said quietly as you handed it to him.

Sirius smiled at you for a moment, then tore into the beautifully wrapped package. When he laid back the first layer of tissue paper and saw what was inside, he looked up quickly, whispering “Y/N, what did you do?” As he pulled the gloves out and tried them on, he felt them size themselves and looked up to see an excited grin on your face. “These are wonderful!”

“Do they fit properly? Not too tight?”

“Perfect!” Sirius responded.

“Yay!” You said excitedly, clapping your hands like a small child. “They’re also spelled for warmth and have a bit of a shield woven in for extra protection.”

“You even had my initials put on them. I love them. Thank you,” he said, reaching to give you a hug.

“You’re welcome. There’s something else in there.”

“What? Y/n, you’re going to spoil me.”

“Too late,” you answered, wrinkling your nose. “You’re already rotten.”

Sirius stuck his tongue out at you and reached into the tissue for the saddlebag.

“This is great, too! I was already the best looking rider, but now my gear will match,” he joked. You rolled your eyes and told him about the enchantments on the bag.

Sirius actually looked at a loss for words. “This is my favorite gift, Y/N. I really love them. Thank you.”

“I’m so glad. I felt a bit silly about them for a moment,” you responded. “I wasn’t able to find a helmet that won’t muss your hair, though, so you’re on your own there.”

“I can’t wait til my bike…runs,” he replied with a laugh. He looked at you intensely, his gray eyes shining silver. “You really put a lot of thought into this. It means a lot to me.”

“Well, you mean a lot to me,” you said softly.

Sirius reached up and caressed your cheek – and there was a quick knock on the door before it opened with a sing-song voice saying, “Are you ready to open your best gift, Sirius baby?” Muriel. Flavor of the week alert!

You jumped up quickly as she looked at you suspiciously, deciding quickly you were no threat but giving you an insincere smile to be safe. “Am I interrupting?” she asked.

“Nope, I was just heading off to bed. Happy Birthday, Sirius!” you said brightly.

“Thanks,” he said, smiling regretfully.

As you closed the door, Sirius rubbed his thumb along the inside of one of the gloves and felt the raised letters and read the inscription. Warmth filled him at the time and effort you had gone to on his behalf.

Suddenly he wasn’t very interested in Muriel’s gift.

A few minutes later a very pissed off former flavor of the week stomped down the steps and out the portrait hole, raising eyebrows unanimously among the other three Marauders.

* * *

The second time you told Sirius you loved him caught him slightly less off guard than the first.

Your group of friends were sitting around late in the common room a few weeks after his birthday, talking and laughing about nothing and everything. You were squeezed in between Remus and Sirius on the sofa, occasionally poking or being poked by your pals as the evening passed pleasantly.

Sirius noticed that you were getting sleepy. As your eyelids began to droop, you slumped towards Remus’ shoulder, laying your head on it with a small smile on your face, sleepily laughing at a joke James made.

It had been two months since your sleep declaration and Sirius had come to the conclusion that it had merely been the result of a head injury. Not terribly flattering for the usually successful Romeo, but in the long run it was easier on his heart and mind to look at it that way.

You drifted to sleep, your long lashes fanning over your cheeks. Then, you abandoned Remus and turned to Sirius and cuddled up with him like a child with a Teddy bear, your head on his shoulder and your arm draped across his chest. Sirius dropped his arm from the back of the sofa to pull you even closer to him without thinking, then looked up quickly to see who had noticed, relieved to see a knowing look only on Remus’ face.

As the evening drew to a close and everyone drifted off to bed, Sirius pulled you, soundly sleeping, to your feet and led you to the bottom of the stairs that led to the girl’s dormitories. Sirius dropped a kiss on the crown of your head and gave you a push in the right direction, assuming autopilot would kick in and take you the rest of the way to bed.

“Goodnight, Y/N,” he murmured softly.

“G’night, Sirius,” you replied. Then, after you were almost beyond earshot, “Love you.”

“What? Y/N?”

Sirius called your name softly, starting up the steps behind you, trying to gain your attention without attracting anyone else’s. “Y/N?” he whisper-yelled one last time, finally hearing the shuffle of your feet returning to him.

“Bloody hell, Sirius, what can’t wait ‘til morning?” you asked crossly.

“I just…I thought you said…something. Important. Before,” he responded lamely. “What did you say after you said goodnight?”

You shot Sirius a look filled with annoyance. “I have no idea, Sirius Orion Black. I reckon I was asleep. How important could it possibly have been?”

Cringing at the invocation of the middle name, Sirius replied lightly, “Right, course. Not important at all, probably. Irrelevant. Off you go, nighty night!”

You gave Sirius a look that clearly illustrated your lack of confidence in his sanity, turned on your heel and went to bed.

“Nighty night? Really, Sirius?” he muttered to himself as he made his way up to his own bed. He was beginning to doubt his own sanity.

* * *

Sirius was broody and clingy in the days leading up to Christmas holiday, and by the time you had boarded the Hogwarts Express, he was so anxious that he barely let go of you to use the loo. He actually waited in the hall.

“I’ll miss you too, you know,” you said as you returned to your seat in the car where Remus, James and Peter we’re playing cards.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve had to go weeks without seeing you,” he answered quietly.

“But you’ll have the love of your life as well as Remus and Peter,” you said with a cheeky grin.

“Jealousy rears its ugly head again. I knew you wanted me,” he joked half-heartedly.

“I really don’t want to go visit cousins I’ve never met in Romania, but I am excited about seeing dragons. I wish you could come with me,” you said with a small pout.

“I just want all of my friends with me every minute of every day. Is that too much to ask?” Sirius questioned, more than half sincerely.

“Don’t worry about him, Y/N,” called James. “We’ll keep him busy and mop up his tears while you’re gone.”

“All right, James,” you answered. “Make sure he brushes his teeth and doesn’t chase any sticks into traffic.”

“That’s up to Remus. Pete and I amuse him, you and Remus parent him. It’s the system that works and I’m not messing with it now.”

You heard Remus muttered something about the son shagging mum as Peter and James snickered, and then saw Sirius kick Remus in the shin. “What are you halfwits on about?”

“Nothing. Let’s go find the trolley witch, I’m starving,” Sirius said, dragging you away from the car filled with maniacally laughing boys.

* * *

As you hopped off the train onto the platform, you saw James’ and Sirius’ parents before your own and Sirius dragged you along to hug them.

“Hello, my darlings,” Mrs. Potter sang as she somehow folded all 5 of you into a warm hug, James’ dad patting backs and saying hello as well. “Let me look at you all, goodness you’ve all grown so much I hardly recognize you!

“Sirius and Y/N, I see you’re holding hands, are you finally a couple?”

“Merlin, Mrs. P, have you set our wedding date and named our kids yet?”

“It’s all subject to your approval, dear,” she joked with a kind smile. “I saw your parents, best be off now! They’re anxious to get started on your adventure.”

“Happy Christmas, Mr. & Mrs. Potter! Happy Christmas, guys!” you said as you turned to leave. “Sirius?”

“Yes?” he answered pitifully. 

“Come say hi to my parents?”

“Your parents?” he repeated dumbly.

“Yeah. If you want. They’d like to see you.”

“They would?”

“Never mind,” you said brightly. “I’ll see you next year, yeah?”

“No!” Sirius cried. “I mean, of course you’ll see me, but I’d…like to see your parents.”

Watching you and Sirius walk hand-in-hand to meet your parents, James said in a stunned voice, “He has never willingly talked a girl’s parents before.”

Mrs. Potter replied, “Goodness, James, she’s his Lily. He’ll do anything for her.”

* * *

After greeting your parents, Sirius pulled you into a tight hug and declared dramatically that he would miss you every moment. After kissing your forehead at least five times and three more quick hugs, you departed the station with your parents.

“So, just a friend, eh?” questioned your father skeptically.

“Yes, Dad,” you replied in a long-suffering way.

“Now dear, your Dad is just looking out for you. Sirius Black has a bit of a reputation,” said your mum in a very mum way.

“Which is another reason why we’re friends and not dating. Look, he’s had a rough go with his parents. I’m his security blanket and he likes having me around,” you explained reasonably. “He’s kind of…he likes to have his people around him. Because it took him a long time to find his family.”

“And you’re his family?” asked your Dad.

“Yeah, our friends and James’ parents. We’re there for each other.”

“Well, that’s nice, but I still think he sees more than a friend when he looks at you.”

“Merlin, Dad, you think any male under the age of 100 is giving me the eye,” you said pertly.

“Mark my words, Y/N/N, that boy likes you.”

“He just doesn’t see me that way,” you replied with finality.


	6. Chapter 6

Sirius had been pretty down. Despite the boys being around, he missed you and was pretty much a wet blanket on any hijinks suggested by the boys. Remus and Peter went home for Christmas and a few days after to return for the New Year’s party James traditionally threw.

Christmas morning had been a pleasant surprise as you had given James a gift to put in Sirius’ room so that he would find it when he woke up.

James felt ridiculous sneaking into Sirius’ room after he was asleep. He really wished the two of you would get together. It would make his life so much easier.

* * *

Christmas morning, Sirius awoke to find a garishly wrapped gift and knew it would be from you. Your gifts were always colorful but you put twice the bows and ribbons on his.

He tore into it excitedly to find a framed photo of the two of you being silly. Sirius had caught you from falling and your arms were around his neck, you were batting your eyelashes and he remembered you saying, “My hero!” Sirius then kissed your nose, causing you to dissolve into giggles.

Sirius smiled and rubbed his thumb against the frame. You could make him smile from another country.

There was a note inside as well. Sirius tore it open and began to read.

_Happy Christmas, Sweetie!_

_Missing you already and I wrote this at Hogwarts!_

_I know you’re probably crying yourself to sleep every night missing me (ha ha) but please try and enjoy the holidays. We’ll be back at school before you know it and I promise to bring you a present._

_I’ll be here thinking of you all on New Year’s Eve and being jealous of all the girls you’ll be kissing._

_See you soon!_

_Hugs and kisses,_

_Y/n_

_P.S._

_Keep digging!_

Sirius dug down into the tissue paper and found another envelope. Opening it, he found six tickets to the first show of the Rolling Stones tour in April in Frankfurt. Stunned, he opened the note enclosed.

_Surprise! We’re all going to Germany over Spring Holiday! Jamie’s parents are going to chaperone us and we’re going to stay there for a few days. We’ve cleared it with Remus’, Peter’s, Lily’s and my parents! Let me tell you, it has been challenging keeping this a secret._

_Have a wonderful holiday, Sirius._

_Love,_

_Y/n_

Sirius was stunned. This was yet another example of you treating him like he’s the most important person in the world to you.

He felt warm and loved yet like part of his heart was missing. Part of him wished he had never fallen for you. Another part never wanted to be apart from you for this long again.

Still another part needed a cold shower. He was a seventeen year old boy, after all.

* * *

Sirius was drunk. 

No, Sirius was very drunk. He had a bottle of firewhiskey that he was hogging and he was definitely not the life of the party. It was nearing midnight on New Year’s Eve and he knew he was being pathetic. He also knew that he was utterly henpecked by a girl he wasn’t even dating – that he may never date. Or kiss. Or make love to.

Three or four girls had attempted to gain his attention, but he simply wasn’t interested. As with everything Sirius did, he didn’t want you in half measure, so no substitute would do.

But then, he overheard Lily and Marlene wondering if you were going to be kissing some rugged dragon trainer at midnight, and he finally understood the expression “to see red.”

And so, he drank. And he draped his arm around whichever girl was sitting next to him. And he drank some more. And then some more. And then midnight rolled around and she said “Happy New Year!” while straddling his lap and then stuck her tongue down his throat.

And that’s the last thing Sirius remembered.

* * *

You were so excited as you popped out of the fireplace at the Potter’s the next morning. Your parents had grown weary of your constant moping and had returned a few days early. You couldn’t wait to see your friends, but especially Sirius.

There were a few teens lying about in the lounge but you didn’t see the raven head you were searching for, so you headed towards the stairs to wake him up as you had done dozens of times before.

“Y/N!” you heard. James and Remus appeared from the direction of the kitchen, eyes wide.

“Hi!! We came home early, is Sirius still asleep?”

“Um, yeah, but he had a lot to drink, y/n. Maybe you should let one of us wake him,” suggested Remus.

“Nah,” you said, climbing the steps. “Not like I haven’t seen him hung over!”

James and Remus ran up the steps behind you but you’d had too much of a head start and reached Sirius’ room and thrown open the door with a cry of “HAPPY…Oh. Oh dear.”

Sirius was abed, but he wasn’t alone. He started awake at your greeting and realized through a pounding head and blurry eyes that you had come home early and he was not alone and Dear Godric, you had come home early and he was not alone!

“Sorry!” you squeaked, face burning with embarrassment. Then you turned on your heel and disappeared as quickly as you had appeared.

Sirius stumbled out of bed, realizing he was still clothed from the waist down. At least it wasn’t as bad as it looked. Right?

“Y/N, I’m wearing trousers!” he yelled as he gave chase, but you were already gone through a puff of floo powder.

* * *

Remus and James were physically restraining Sirius while Peter was attempting to block the fireplace with his body. “You can’t go chasing after her barefoot and shirtless and stinking of firewhiskey, Sirius!” James yelled in his ear.

As this was occurring, their Mum appeared in the room after apparating home from an outing. “May I ask what’s going on, boys?” she asked calmly.

They all stopped struggling and turned around as one with identical sheepish expressions.

“Need I repeat myself?” she asked sternly.

Sirius dropped his head and said, “Can we speak privately, Mum?”

“Of course, dear,” she said quietly, leading Sirius to the library and closing the door.

* * *

You reappeared at home mere minutes after you left and needless to say, your parents noticed.

“Y/N dear, why are you back so soon? We thought we’d be getting an owl asking permission to sleep over, not our girl back so soon!” exclaimed your mother.

“Are you crying?” your father asked angrily.

“I’m fine, I’ll just be in my room,” you said as you rapidly retreated to your bedroom.

When you closed your door, you started crying in earnest, feeling foolish and reminding yourself over and over that he was not your boyfriend. These foolish, hormonal teenage feelings might be pointless, but bloody hell they hurt!

The knock on your door that you had been expecting came and you told your mother to come in. She saw you crying on the bed and came over to pull you into an embrace.

“What happened, darling?” she asked softly, thinking to herself, what did her “just friend” Sirius do to make her cry?

“Promise not to tell Dad?”

“Certainly not. If it’s something he needs to know then I will tell him. But, let’s be honest… there’s not a lot he really needs to know.”

You took a deep breath and blurted out on a sob, “I went into Sirius’ room and he wasn’t alone. And it’s not my place to be angry or upset about it because he’s not my boyfriend, but Merlin it hurts, Mum.”

“I know, my love. But you told us at the station that there was a reason why you were just friends.”

“I know, Mum,” you said sadly.

“I had something like this happen to me when I was a girl. Your Grandmummy told me ‘The Tale of the Turtle and the Scorpion.’ Have you ever heard of it?”

“Yes,” you said, knowing where your mother was going. “You think it’s his nature to be a rake and if I give my heart to him and he hurts me, I shouldn’t be surprised because after all…it’s his nature. But, Mum, he’s so much more than that! He’s just never had anyone really believe in him!”

“You have to decide whether you have the strength to be the one who really believes in him when you want to be more than friends.”

“I’ll just stop wanting that. It’s a bit silly anyways, yeah?” you said with false cheer. You could do this.

Didn’t mean you weren’t going to listen to “Love of My Life” by Queen on repeat until you went back to school, though.

* * *

Sirius stepped into the library. He was ashamed of his actions and didn’t really want to tell the only mother figure who had ever loved him what a randy twit he had apparently been.

“Sit down, dear,” she said gently, patting the sofa beside her.

“Yes, Mum,” Sirius said quietly.

“I feel like I should open this conversation as I always do by telling you that we love you and we always will, no matter what incredibly silly thing you’ve gone and done.”

Sirius peeked up from under his messy bangs with a small smile, “Thank you, Mum.”

“Now, what ridiculous shenanigans have you got up to?”

Sirius sighed deeply and told her what had happened.

“Oh dear.”

“That’s funny,” he scoffed. “That’s exactly what Y/N said when she opened the door.”

“That’s all she said?”

“She said ‘sorry’ and left, headed straight for the floo.”

“Well,” Euphemia said as if gathering her thoughts. “First, where is the young lady you slept with? I assume it was a young lady?”

“Yes, Mum. And I dunno, I don’t even know who she was, I didn’t look,” he said shamefully. “But, Mum, I still had on my trousers! So nothing happened, which is why I was trying to follow Y/N, to tell her I had on my…trousers…”

“Well, it’s good to know that being in love with one girl doesn’t allow you to diddle with another. Or was that the firewhiskey?” she asked bluntly.

“Merlin, I’m not in love with her. We’re really close friends,” he grumbled, not even convincing himself.

“Ah, well then, if you’re not in love with her and she isn’t in love with you and you’ve made no commitment, you are under no obligation to refrain from such activities, are you? It shouldn’t matter to Y/N whether or not you had on trousers. And you shouldn’t be in such a great rush to inform her of the location of your trousers, hmm?”

“I…suppose not…but Mum, she looked…hurt?” he said with a catch in his voice.

“Oh, my sweet boy,” she said, pulling Sirius into a hug before leaning back to look him in the eye. “She can’t have it both ways, my love. Either she likes you as a mate or a man. Or I suppose both. But she doesn’t get to be hurt when you’re with another girl when she hasn’t done anything to be with you herself.”

“I suppose that makes sense.”

“And you rushing after her shirtless and barefoot wouldn’t fix anything anyway.”

“So I’ve heard,” he answered with a wry chuckle.

“And did you forget you could have apparated there?”

“I did.”

“And also, dear, you need a shower.”

“Heard that, too.”

“Excellent. Now go find the girl you didn’t shag and send her on her way – politely, – have a shower and then go find your Dad to talk to you about sex and birth control.”

The blood left Sirius’ face and his eyes were open wide in horror. “Mum, no!”

“Can’t have my boys out sowing oats without the proper info. Off you go.”

Sirius obediently stood up and walked to leave. “Mum?” he said quietly, turning at the door to look back at her.

“Yes, love?”

“Do you think she’d ever like me as a man and not just a mate?”

Euphemia gave him a smile filled with love. “Oh, my darling, she has to talk herself out of it every single day.”

Sirius left the room with a genuine smile on his face – until he remembered the talk he had to have with his Dad.

* * *

Sirius followed Euphemia’s instructions, including an incredibly embarrassing conversation with Fleamont on sex and birth control, and then sat in his room and pondered how to handle the situation his drunk self had gotten him into. Not that he didn’t take responsibility for Drunk Sirius – he completely accepted the blame for his own actions, regardless of whether he remembered them.

He was still afraid of what the consequences of those actions would be, however.

* * *

You decided to floo back to school the day before the train returned. Cowardly, maybe, but you did not need to be trapped in a train carriage for four hours of Sirius and company telling you all the reasons you shouldn’t be angry. Or hurt. Or however you were. You weren’t even sure yourself yet so their input was most definitely not welcome, at least until you got your brain and your heart on the same page.

You unpacked in your dorm room and then went down to the virtually empty common room to read for a while before heading down for dinner.

When it was nearly time for supper, you grabbed your book to read at table as you had no idea who had stayed back for the holidays and if you would know anyone.

When you arrived in the Great Hall, you were surprised to hear your name from Raymond Darlington, a handsome, popular 7th year from Slug Club that you knew. He gestured you over to the Ravenclaw table to join him for supper. You smiled and joined him.

“Hey, Y/N! Did you have a nice holiday?” Raymond asked.

“Romania was pretty cool. The dragons were amazing!” you answered truthfully. “How was yours?”

“Pretty good. Heard from the whole family how I need to keep my nose to the grindstone this term. Like I didn’t already know that NEWTs are just around the corner,” he said with a roll of his eyes and a smile. “Where’re your bodyguards? Don’t think I’ve seen you without Black attached to you for a few years. Did you have a Sirius-ectomy during the break, then?”

“Something like that,” you laughed.

“Really?” He sounded truly surprised. “You two broke up?”

“Oh we were never dating,” you answered quickly, not wanting to imply that you were claiming otherwise.

“Smashing! Care to join me in Hogsmeade next Saturday, then?”

“Wha – are…are you asking me out?” you stuttered with a blush.

Raymond laughed and said, “Yeah. If you’re interested. If not, I definitely did not.”

You laughed and said impulsively, “You know, I think I would really enjoy that.”

“Great, it’s a date!” He smiled widely and said, “Except now we still have to sit here and make small talk while we eat.”

“You’re a smart lad, I think you can handle it,” you said with a wide smile.

* * *

“I can’t find her, James! She’s not on the train. I looked in every carriage and I didn’t see her parents at the station, either. Do you think something’s happened?” Sirius said, completely breathless and in a panic.

“Well, have you asked Lily or Marlene?” James said hesitantly.

“I tried, but they both gave me the evil eye and told me to piss off when I asked if they’d seen her…” he said, his words growing quieter at the end.

“Remus?” James said.

“Right,” Remus said with a long-suffering sigh. He or Peter were the only ones that Lily could be trusted to be civil with and this conversation would require more diplomacy in the face of hostility than Pete could handle.

Sirius paced the small confines of the carriage while he waited for Remus to return, spouting different theories of where you could be and forcing Peter and James to move their feet out of his chaotic path.

“What if she changed schools, James? What would I do then?”

“She’s talked about joining something called a nunnery to get away from me and all men. Do you think she did that?”

“What if she’s sick? She could be in St. Mungo’s and I would never know.”

“What if she’s been kidnapped?”

“Do you think she’s wearing a disguise and she’s on the train after all? Maybe I should check all the carriages again and see if there’s anyone I don’t recognize.”

Luckily Remus arrived at this point and pushed Sirius back into the carriage.

“Is she all right? Is she in hospital? Does she hate me?”

“She’s fine, she’s not in hospital, she floo’d ahead yesterday and that I can’t answer. Lily would only say she floo’d instead of taking the train.”

“Why would she do that? We always…spend our time on the train…together…” he said sadly. “Well, I guess that answers the last question whether Lily would or not.”


	7. Chapter 7

You were really regretting accepting Raymond’s invitation. He was kind and good looking but you only said yes because you were hurt by Sirius falling into bed with someone on New Year’s and your bruised ego was soothed by his invitation. You were doing both of you an injustice by accepting the date. He deserved a girl he stood a chance with and not one that was simply using him to make herself feel better after she had her heart broken by someone that didn’t even know he held it. You decided that you would tell him before the feast that you would not be able to make it to Hogsmeade with him the following weekend. 

You had no idea where you stood with Sirius. He obviously didn’t think of you romantically if he was able to fall into bed with someone else. You laughed scornfully at how foolish you had been to think of him at midnight and wish that you could have been with him; at how you would have been content with a peck on the cheek while he gave himself away to someone else.

No, he had made it abundantly clear that he thought of you as a friend. So you would do your damndest to get back to the time in your heart where that was all you felt for him. This was exactly why you had the no dating policy to begin with – this nonsense was getting in the way of everything else. Time to put this romance foolishness behind you.

You wiped your tears, nodded to yourself with a new resolve and placed Sirius’ brightly wrapped gift that you had promised to bring him from Romania on his bed, then turned and walked out of his dorm.

* * *

Sirius was literally bouncing in his seat in the carriage ride from the station to Hogwarts. He was certain at this point that he could have run faster and cursed the spell wards that prevented apparating on the grounds of the school. When the carriage slowed, he’d had enough and opened the door and flung himself into a run, slipping in the snow a few times in his reckless quest to find you as quickly as possible.

He ran straight to the Great Hall, needing to see you and explain what had happened. Regardless of whether you were together, he felt he owed you an explanation. He needed to know you were still a part of his life, even if it wasn’t the part he really wanted you to play.

He burst through the doors, pushing through milling crowds of students just returned to school. He looked for anyone wearing Gryffindor scarlet and gold but didn’t see you anywhere. In desperation, Sirius stood on a bench to get a better view and widened his scope to the entire Great Hall.

* * *

You were talking to Raymond over near the Ravenclaw table. He had been understanding and also unsurprised when you canceled your date.

“I was actually flummoxed when you said you’d had a Sirius-ectomy. Didn’t much look like either one of you were going anywhere anytime soon,” he said.

“Goodness, you make him sound like a wart or growth!” you laughed. “Sirius and I aren’t like that, Raymond. We’re really just friends. It’s never been anything else and frankly I don’t see that ever changing.”

Raymond could see that you were upset by this fact whether you wanted to admit it or not. He pulled you into a quick hug. “Love sucks, y’know?” he said.

You hiccuped a laugh. “Yeah. But not anymore. I have recently been reminded that my no dating policy was in place for a reason.”

“Let’s still go. Not as a date, just as friends. I’ll buy you a butterbeer,” he said with a smile, his hands still on your arms from the hug.

Raymond darted his eyes sideways as if distracted. “Um, Y/N? I think your wart is back. And it looks pretty pissed off.”

You followed Raymond’s eyes to see Sirius’ blazing gaze watching you with your friend. He looked a combination of surprised, hurt, scared and yes, pissed off. You weren’t in the wrong here; you could have friends other than him. You straightened your spine and gave him a cool look, one eyebrow raised, then turned back to Raymond with a smile.

“Oh, bollocks,” Raymond muttered, obviously expecting Sirius to come over. “This is not going to end well.”

* * *

Sirius stared at you, willing you to look at him again, to have something other than cold anger in your eyes for him. After a moment when it was clear you were going to continue flirting with Darlington, Sirius stepped down off the bench and turned to leave the Great Hall.

He trudged up to Gryffindor Tower like he was older than Dumbledore. He was in no hurry. He arrived at the portrait of the Fat Lady who said, “Shouldn’t you be at the feast, Mr. Black?”

“Not feeling great, madam. Might I enter?” Sirius asked with a gallant bow. He didn’t know the new password.

“Oh, go on,” she said with a blush.

“Thank you, my lady.”

As Sirius stepped through the portrait hole he marveled that he could charm any female except the one he really wanted.

He wandered through the empty common room, wondering why nothing looked different when his world had been turned upside down. Looking longingly to the sofa where you and he had spent so many hours cuddling, talking and just being together, Sirius wondered when he would ever quit fucking up his life and hurting the people he loved. Maybe his mother was right about him, he thought sadly as he made his way up to his dorm to go to bed and forget this nightmare of a day.

Sirius opened the door to his dorm and his eyes were immediately drawn to the package on his bed. He walked over and picked it up. The wrapping and number of bows said that it was from you. The fact that you didn’t want to watch him open it said that things had changed. He had broken your relationship.

“Open it.”

Sirius spun around at the sound of your voice. “Love,” he began.

“Open it,” you said again.

He looked at you pleadingly for a moment then dropped his eyes to the gift. “You sure you want me to have it?” he asked softly.

“Yes. Why wouldn’t I?”

Sirius looked you in the eye and said, “Y/N, I have come to see you at your house no less than four times and your parents said you weren’t home but they’d tell you I’d dropped by. Your Mum looked particularly unimpressed, by the way. I have owled you no fewer than 12 times and not heard back. I nearly apparated into your bedroom but Remus suggested your father might kill me. You floo’d here early to avoid me on the train. You were hugging and flirting with a seventh year in the Great Hall. Which one of these things says that you are in a gift giving mood?”

“Well, I was in the mood when I bought it,” you said with a shrug.

Sirius put the package down on the bed and walked over to stand in front of you. You avoided his eyes until he put his fingers under your chin and lifted your face until he could see your face. “Please, Y/N. I can’t do without you.”

You looked into his eyes and knew that you couldn’t do without him, either. Pathetic as it may sound, you would take him however you could just to be near him. You grabbed Sirius’ hand and kissed the palm before stepping into a hug. “Oh, sweetheart, you never have to.”

With what sounded suspiciously like a sob, Sirius pulled you as close as humanly possible. “I had my trousers on,” he whispered.

You pulled back and looked at him. “What?”

“When you came in my room. I..had clothes on. So, y’know, nothing happened. I just wanted you to know. You…didn’t see what you thought you saw.”

You cleared your throat and tried to keep the smile off your face. “You don’t answer to me, Sirius,” you said, but the knot in your gut loosened and you felt like crying and kissing the adorable idiot in front of you.

“I just wanted you to know,” he repeated with a smile, smoothing your hair behind your ear.

“Open your pressie,” you said with your usual gift-giving excitement.

Sirius picked you up and twirled you around and gave you another quick hug before putting you down and going to his bed to get the package. You sat next to him on his bed so you could watch him tear into the gift. Once he opened the box, he got the most adorable stunned expression as he pulled out the black dragonskin Moto jacket.

“Well, try it on!” you said when he sat holding it with a Prongs-in-the-headlights expression

“Why are you so good to me? Do you pity me?”

You jumped to your feet and half yelled, “What did you just say to me, Black?”

“I said,” Sirius spoke as loudly as you, “do you pity me?”

“The only thing pitiable about you, Sirius Orion Black, is your complete lack of common sense. I would never, ever be someone’s friend, allow him to be this close to me, to know most of my secrets, to touch me and hold me out of pity. You insult me, not yourself, with that question. Do not ever ask it again. You are my friend for many reasons, though they don’t spring to mind as quickly as usual at the moment. But for all of those currently questionable reasons that I hold you dear to me, not a single one is pity.

“Now try on your damned jacket so I can tell you how handsome you are and go to bed. I’m done with today.”

“I’m glad you don’t have romantic feelings for me, Y/N. I don’t deserve you as a girlfriend,” he said, head hanging as he thought how he could never leave well enough alone.

“Shut up, you knob.”

Sirius looked up and smiled at the half-hearted taunt and tried on the jacket.

“It has the same enchantments as the gloves, so it should size for you. I didn’t put the warm spell on it, but it has the protection spells. D’you like it?”

“Darling, you could wrap up a burlap sack and give it to me and I’d love it. This is extraordinary and so are you,” he said, pulling you in for another hug and not letting you go.

* * *

Things returned to normal between you and Sirius, more or less. You convinced yourself that it was for the best to let go of your romantic feelings for Sirius and focus on school. There was a bit of a hiccup the first Hogsmeade Saturday when you went with Raymond as planned. Sirius maintained a calm facade when he heard that news, but later James forced him to go and see Madame Pomfrey to fix his hand where he punched the wall repeatedly. You had explained that you were going as friends but Sirius was anything but rational where you were concerned.

The first few weeks were a bit hesitant, of course. Regardless of the fact that Sirius wasn’t your boyfriend and even if he had slept with another girl, it would be technically OK, you were still working to rebuild the wall around that part of your heart. You couldn’t let it destroy you the next time he had a girlfriend – or at least a flavor of the week.

Sirius, on the other hand, was muddled in turmoil. He had done everything but outright tell you that he was mad about you. And he could see you withdrawing from the easy affection you used to share, and it was killing him. You would sit next to him on the sofa or at meals, but if he tried to hold your hand or put his arm around you, you flinched or scooted beyond his reach. Where before you absent-mindedly stroked his hair or rubbed his arm, now you smiled and kept your hands folded in your lap.

You were…friends.

And that was no longer good enough for Sirius. He was done lying to himself, even if he didn’t have the courage to tell you the truth. At least he could be honest and admit to himself the truth: in his heart, you weren’t just a friend. You were the one. He was going to show you that he was your one, too.

He just had no idea how.


	8. Chapter 8

Things had gotten comfortable between the two of you again. Oh, you weren’t so close that it was unusual to see the two of you apart anymore, but you didn’t flinch away from his casual affection anymore.

Sirius treated you like you were made of spun silk most of the time. It was almost like he was wooing you, but you knew him well enough to assume that in his mind he was probably still trying to make up for something for which you had long forgiven him. Still, it was hard to remember the spirit in which all of the little compliments, gifts, touches and kisses were given. Sirius was an affectionate man and you were his security blanket – this was practically your mantra as you struggled to maintain the wall around your heart.

And for his part, Sirius didn’t appear to be chasing tail like a dog in springtime any more. He had never been one to pay girls much attention unless he was looking for a snog or a shag, seemingly oblivious to the enamored stares of his fans until he decided to pick a volunteer, but now he didn’t even do that much. At least, not in front of you.

So yes, maintaining the wall took more and more effort with each charming smile or compliment, but you were able to resist those. The true threat to your heart had always been the real Sirius: the silly jokes and puns, the impulsive late night snacks, the barking laughter that gave you such joy. These were the real danger, because you knew it was the real Sirius, and he simply didn’t let that many people know him.

As Spring Holiday approached, the six of you going to the concert were more and more excited. The Potters had set up portkey travel and accommodations and you were all packing your Muggle clothes to blend. Sirius asked if you wanted to wear his Rolling Stones t-shirt but you told him that he should be the one since he was the true fan, but the offer touched you.

You arrived a few days before the concert and explored the area. The Potters trusted the six of you to stay out of trouble. Well, they trusted you, Remus and Lily to keep the other three out of trouble.

Sirius was difficult to contain and often grabbed your hand and dragged you behind him at a dead sprint when he saw something that caught his interest. He acted like this was the grandest adventure and wanted to share every second with you.

The night of the concert rolled around and Sirius was beside himself. If he was in his animagus form you would have put him outside in fear of him having an accident. As it stood, you were mildly worried he was going to wet his pants.

When you got inside there was a mad rush to be close, but Sirius and James didn’t want to take a chance of you and Lily being injured in the crush. The opening act wasn’t someone you were familiar with, yet you enjoyed swaying to the music. You felt Sirius in his protective position behind you and felt safe. He leaned down and hugged you from behind, speaking close to your ear and said, “Thank you for this, love. This is perfection.”

“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather try to get closer? I’ll be fine back here.”

“Absolutely not. No concert is more important to me than you,” he said succinctly.

You quickly turned and pecked his chin that rested on your shoulder. “Thank you, sweetheart.”

Sirius’ heart sped up and he pulled you even closer, wanting to remember this moment forever. It was the first time you had called him by his favorite endearment for months.

After the short intermission following the opening act, the Rolling Stones took the stage. The surge toward the stage left you crushed between everyone in the stadium taller than you. You tried to stand on tiptoes and even jumped a time or two in an attempt to see Mick Jagger strut his stuff on stage but you decided you’d have to be satisfied with hearing the music. You leaned back against Sirius in defeat.

A few moments later, he tapped your shoulder. You looked at him to see that he was pointing. Following his line of sight, you saw a guy with a girl on his shoulders. You looked back at Sirius and shook your head rather frantically. As clumsy as you were you would most likely fall over, take him with you and get you both killed in the crush.

Sirius smiled at you as if he knew what you were thinking, then took your hand and held it to his heart as if to say, “Trust me.” The he leaned forward and yelled, “I won’t let you fall.”

You took a deep breath and nodded. Sirius knelt down and you clambered up onto his shoulders. Oh, dear. You hadn’t thought this through. You were pressed rather intimately against his neck and shoulders. And Merlin, had his shoulders gotten even broader?

In any case, you settled in and could see the show. Occasionally you leaned down to kiss the top of Sirius’ head. Once he leaned back to smile at you and you kissed his nose.

After the show you were all sweaty and tired but also wired. When you got back to the rental, you all wanted showers and promised to make them quick. You and Lily went first and second to dry your hair while the rest of the boys took turns after.

Finally everyone was ready for bed. Sirius and you waited ‘til last to wander up to your various rooms. You were tired but content in the lounge and Sirius was too wired for sleep. Knowing that you would never get him to go to sleep and that if he didn’t sleep, no one slept, you patted your lap for him to lay his head.

Sirius’ heart leapt within his chest. This was something else that hadn’t happened for months. Moving quickly as if to be in place before you could change your mind, his head was in your lap seconds later. As you began to stroke his hair in a soothing fashion, you were very afraid that your wall was beginning to crumble at the very foundation. You were still mad for this man, you needed to stop lying to yourself.

But that didn’t mean you were going to stop protecting yourself.

* * *

The rest of the school year went on in this fashion. Sirius did everything but compose sonnets, or as Remus said repeatedly, “Just fucking tell her.” He had never had to work for the favors of a female before and the process was quite the mystery to him. His mother’s voice in the back of his head was a constant reminder that he was a failure, so why would you want him?

And you continued on in oblivion. No hint was big enough to break through your shell of clueless determination. You had decided that Sirius could never care for you romantically and no evidence to the contrary could convince you otherwise. You had no inkling of his inner turmoil, nor he of yours.

Your friends could only assure the both of you just so many times that your feelings were returned to have your responses set to the tune of denial just as many times before they threw up their hands and said, “let the damned fools figure it out for themselves.”

* * *

That summer was also a study in ignorance and frustration for your friends and families. You saw each other less than you had since before you had really gotten to know each other, and you were both utterly miserable.

Sirius was spending more time at his own house since school let out. His Uncle Alphard Black had left it to him in his will in a show of defiance to Sirius’ mother’s ill treatment of the boy. The house and the money would assure Sirius could be independent after school. The Potter house would always be his second home, and the Potters his family, but he now had a future to look forward to – empty as it seemed without the promise of you in his life after school.

Sirius had all but given up on you. It broke his heart almost as much to see you as it did to be apart. You were distant but friendly and he didn’t know how to get the two of you back to where you were before the disastrous Christmas holiday.

Yet there were moments of hope for him, too. At times you would lean against him or grab his hand impulsively, setting his heart to racing. Sometimes he thought that the sleepy girl who had told him she loved him was still in there somewhere. It gave him hope.

But hope can be a knife in the heart, twisting just a bit every time a hope is lifted or dashed. Sirius knew that at some point he would have to find the strength to pull the knife and bleed out the last of his hope.

The day you were supposed to go over to Sirius’ house with Lily and help Sirius, Remus and James clean and paint some upstairs rooms that Uncle Alphard had stuffed full of junk was a turning point. You apparated to Sirius’ house and knocked, waiting for someone to open the door. When Sirius appeared a moment later, he seemed surprised that you were alone.

“Hello, love,” he said happily, pulling you close for a hug.

You were wearing old cutoff jeans and a tank top, both the worse for wear but you knew that you plus paint equaled a mess. It was inevitable. You also had a scarf over your hair and to Sirius, you had never looked more adorable.

“Hi, Sweetheart,” you said as you returned his hug. “Where is everyone?”

“I dunno, I expected you to come together.”

“Lazy sods. Probably show up in an hour. Oh well, let’s get to it,” you said with a shrug.

“Yeah, alright,” Sirius said with a grin, throwing an arm across your shoulders and showing you in. “Welcome to my home, darling. What do you think?”

“It’s so cool that you have your own house, Sirius! I love it. We’ll need to brighten some things up, maybe change out the lights here and there. New drapes. How’s the kitchen?” you asked, turning to look at Sirius and catching a strange look on his face. “What’s wrong?”

Sirius had been watching you evaluate his house as if it would be your own home someday, and he got caught up in a daydream of coming home to you every day. He cleared his throat and said, “Not a thing, just interested in what you think. I want this to be somewhere you’re comfortable, love.”

You smiled and felt your heart break a little. After school you would probably rarely see Sirius. But you decided to enjoy your happy fiction for a day and planned where you’d place furniture and decorations, pointing to where you would put the Christmas tree and noting the storage in the kitchen and how much light there was in each room.

He led you up the stairs and showed you the bedrooms and lavatories.

“Oh dear!” you said when you saw the master suite. It was decorated in garish crimson satin, flocked wallpaper and gilded furnitire. “It looks like a bordello, Sirius!”

He laughed at your scandalized tone. “Yeah, I reckon it’s gonna need some work.”

“Goodness, forget the other rooms, let’s get to it in here first!”

Your eyes flew open wide as you turned to Sirius, knowing that he could not possibly pass up an opportunity to tease you when you gave him such an easy opening.

He tried. He honestly tried but it actually seemed to be physically impossible for Sirius to resist. “By all means, love, let’s get to it,” he said as he pulled you against his chest and started walking you backwards to the bed while tickling you and kissing your neck. As your knees hit the bed you tumbled onto the mattress together in a giggling mess.

“Get off me you giant oaf!” you said as your giggles trailed off.

He kept kissing your neck with big, sloppy smacking sounds. “Sure you don’t want to christen the house with me?” he leaned back and said with a leer and wiggling eyebrows.

“Sirius, I am legitimately worried about catching VD just by laying on this bed.”

“It is a bit much isn’t it?” he asked as he scooted over next to you. “I don’t even know where to begin.”

You popped up and said, “We could probably start by burning the bedding. Then tearing down the wallpaper. Godric, did he shop at Whorehouse Warehouse?”

Sirius laughed and said, “If that’s what you want, let’s get to it in here.”

You stuck your tongue out at him and started pulling bedding off with him. It took hours but you got every tasteless item out of the room, then attacked it with soap and water. Even using magic it was tiring work and you knew you had a ton more to do. But you had a sense of accomplishment as you walked hand-in-hand with Sirius to the pizza place down the way to grab some lunch.

When you returned you attacked the en suite lavatory. “Godric,” you said tiredly. “I need a bath myself after cleaning that tub.”

“I’ll wash your back. Or front. Not at all picky.”

“How on Earth do you have the energy to be a pervert, Sirius?”

“It’s a gift,” he said with a laugh.

“I’d better get home. Hey, those layabouts never showed up!” you exclaimed.

“Who needs ‘em,” Sirius said with a shrug. “We probably got more done than we would have with James panting after Lily and everyone asking what to do next.”

“True.”

“Besides, I liked having you to myself today,” Sirius said tentatively.

You smiled a bit and said, “So did I.”

You stared into each other’s eyes a moment before he broke the silence. “So, shopping tomorrow, eh?”

“Yes! I cannot allow you to live here another day without proper linens! Your uncle was a savage.”

“I think all men are until the right woman comes along,” he said quietly, reaching up to straighten the scarf on your hair, then play with a strand for a moment before meeting your eyes again.

You swallowed the lump in your throat and said, “Well, I’ll just have to do until yours come as along, eh? Gotta run, night!” you said, then apparated home.

* * *

The next day you went shopping. Sirius actually liked to shop, especially now that he had money, and let you pick out pretty much anything you thought the house needed. So you allowed yourself another day of happy fiction, picking drapes and a new sofa for the lounge, bedroom furniture, bedding and linens for the master suite and linens for the kitchen. Then you chose lamps, rugs and paint colors to match.

The salesperson thought you were shopping for your wedding registry. You blushed prettily when Sirius said, “If only I was so lucky.”

Merlin you loved him.

* * *

The rest of the summer was spent working on his house, sometimes with help from your friends, but most often just the two of you. It had been kind of Alphard to leave the house to Sirius but Godric, he’d had terrible taste. By the time you got the main living areas and Sirius’ bedroom habitable, it was time to shop for school. You were sad that your time of playing house with Sirius was over. You dreaded the thought that you had domesticated him and furnished a house for whenever his “right woman” came along.


	9. Chapter 9

“Y/N!”

You were attempting to revise. ‘Attempting’ being the operative word. This was one of those not-so-silent-companionable-silence times with Sirius. You had sent him off to “bother someone else” twice already and he kept winding up back by your side, whining like a toddler with a tummy ache because he was bored. It was like he reverted to his childhood the moment you returned to school.

“Didn’t I tell you to go find one of your other playmates? I. Am. Busy.”

“I did!” he cried. “They all told me to go away. Well, Remus told me to go away. James and Lily were ah…occupied and James told me to bugger off. Then Lily got vulgar. In a bad way,” he shared in a confidential way that made you snort. “Peter was even busy,” he marveled.

“What was Peter doing?” you asked with genuine curiosity, surprised that the boy would miss an opportunity to follow Sirius.

“I dunno. That bloke has just been weird lately.”

“Concur.”

“So as you can see, I attempted to go ‘bother someone else,’ and no one else is available for bothering. Clearly I am meant to be bothering you.”

You sighed. “Why not go find one of your little play things? I haven’t heard about you breaking any hearts or deflowering any virgins lately,” you said with a brittle smile.

Sirius stiffened briefly, then recovered his poise quickly and leaned over to nibble on your ear. “Volunteering, love?” he asked in a low, sexy voice.

You controlled a shiver and slowly turned to face Sirius, looking deeply into his eyes while surreptitiously rolling a piece of parchment up, then proceeded to bop him on his nose. “No! Bad, Padfoot! No!”

Sirius started laughing and decided it would be a good time to tickle you. “Noooooooooo!!” you cried, laughing and attempting to fend off Sirius’ attack. After a bit of rolling and tussling, Sirius was on top of you, both of your hands caught in one of his as he continued to tickle you and demand you declare him “the most handsome and valiant Wizard ever,” while you struggled to get loose and cried, “Never! I will never surrender!”

As your antics continued to the rolled eyes or laughter of others in the common room, Marlene came through the portrait entrance and made a disgusted face and said, “Merlin, would you two just shag already?” as she stalked past the sofa.

Sirius looked at Marlene consideringly, then looked back to you, wiggled his eyebrows and said with a big smile, “I’m in if you are.”

To which you replied, “get off me, you twit,” as you caught him off guard and shoved him onto the floor. “Oof.”

But as Sirius climbed up on to the couch and tentatively laid his head in your lap, you both felt something shift, changing back to the way things used to be.

* * *

A few days later, you saw Sirius and Remus walking down the corridor a bit ahead of you and you called out to them and sped up to catch up with them. As you reached them you tripped over your own feet and tumbled into Sirius, who caught you as if he did it every day (it was only every other day, honestly!) “Well hello, darling,” he said with a smirk. “I’ve told you I’m yours, you don’t have to keep throwing yourself at me.”

“Ha ha,” you replied cleverly, a blush staining your cheeks.

“What made you risk life and limb to catch up with us, Y/N?” Remus said with a laugh.

“I expect better from you, Remus John Lupin,” you said as you stuck your tongue out at him.

“Merlin, how do you know all of our full names?” Sirius asked, amazed.

“I pay attention,” you sniffed.

“What do you need, Dearest Y/N?” Remus asked with a deep bow.

“Alright. Well,” you stuttered.

“Spit it out, darling. Gotta get to class. Moony doesn’t want to be late. Don’t care myself but it seems important to him,” Sirius said with a shrug.

“I need a date for Slughorn’s Christmas party,” you said in a rush. “So one of you has to go with me.”

“Such a gracious invitation,Y/N!!” Remus exclaimed.

“Wait, I thought you didn’t date?” Sirius said, tapping his chin as if in deep thought. “Yes, I’m quite certain that was you.”

“Fine,” you said through gritted teeth. “An escort, then.”

“Oh, well,” said Remus. “If you’re looking for an escort service, then you need Sirius.”

“Moony! Are you implying my affections can be bought?” Sirius gasped. “I am deeply offended.”

“I hate both of you. I’ll ask someone else,” you muttered as you stomped off.

Your grand exit was cut short by Sirius grabbing your arm and swinging you around to face him. As Remus walked off to class with a wave, Sirius said, “Of course I’ll go with you, love. Just tell me when and where.”

“Thank you,” you sighed against his chest, giving him a quick hug as he kissed the crown of your hair. “Talk later?”

“Yeah,” he said. “But darling….we both have Charms. Walk with me?” he asked, draping his arm around your waist and pulling you close before sliding his hand down your hip towards your rump until you grabbed it with a huff and placed it back in a decent spot.

* * *

You were nervous. No, you were a bloody wreck. “Why did I let you talk me into this dress?” you wailed to Lily.

“Because it looks amazing on you. Sirius will fall madly in love with you.”

“Oh please. Sirius doesn’t do love,” you scoffed as you turned around and looked at the non-existent back to the top of your dress. From the front it looked modest if a bit clingy, coming all the way up to your throat and revealing only your shoulders while tying in back. It was a shimmery gold fabric that draped your curves beautifully. The waist had a long tie that went around several times before tying in a bow. Definitely no way to wear a bra. What was she thinking?

Lily had styled your hair up with matching gold ties and a few loose tendrils to leave your back completely bare. Combined with light make-up with just a touch of shimmery gold on your eyelids, you looked nothing like yourself. “I look utterly ridiculous.”

“You look utterly stunning. He won’t be able to keep his eyes off of you.”

“It’s his bloody hands I’m worried about,” you muttered as you stepped into your gold strappy sandals and buckled them. “Why do you keep acting like this is a real date, Lily? He’s just going with me as a favor.”

Lily looked at you and laughed in your face. “Yes. Sirius Black thinks of you as ‘just a friend.’ And James has no desire to get in my knickers,” she said sarcastically.

“Pffft. Sirius does not think of me that way.”

“Are we talking about the same Sirius? Black hair, gray eyes? Not bad looking?”

“Not bad looking,” you scoffed. “He’s bloody gorgeous and you know it.”

“Not my type,” Lily responded. “Sirius Black adores you. Not just as a friend.”

“Do you…think so?” you asked uncertainly.

“You can’t really be that oblivious, can you?” Lily said impatiently, then took a breath when she saw your startled expression and said, “If he didn’t want you before, he will after he sees you tonight. You look beautiful.”

“So do you, Lily,” you said, giving her a hug. “Thank you for making me look like someone else entirely.”

“You’re bloody gorgeous and you know it,” Lily responded. Lily held you at arm’s length and said, “He cares about you, Y/N. More than I think he has anyone. Except maybe James, but no love can touch theirs.” You laughed at that, mostly because it was true. “The question is, how do you feel about him?”

“Well, I certainly can’t compete with James, so why bother trying?” you evaded.

Lily shook her head and said, “School won’t last forever.”

You linked arms and headed down the stairs to the common room.

* * *

Sirius was nervous. No, he was a bloody wreck. This wasn’t even a real date, and he knew he looked good in his dress robes Mum had sent when she found out he was escorting you to this event. So why was he practically hyperventilating? Maybe because Mum had enclosed a note saying how happy she was for him that he was finally going out with the girl of his dreams.

Unfortunately, you only thought of him romantically in your dreams…or at least when you were unconscious.

James elbowed Sirius and he looked up to see Lily and you coming down the steps. He stopped breathing. He literally forgot to breathe. He always thought you were lovely with your smiling eyes and ridiculous curves that he lusted after, but the woman gliding gracefully down the steps was a goddess.

Sirius walked over to the bottom of the stairs to meet you. You looked at him and saw how handsome he looked in his dress robes and how he was looking at you like you were the most beautiful girl in the world – and you caught your toe on your skirt and tripped down the last two steps, but as usual, Sirius was there to catch you.

James and Lily rolled their eyes and moved toward the exit as you and Sirius stared at each other, your arms clutching his neck and his around your waist.

“What did I say about throwing yourself at me, darling?” he said with a grin.

Your natural clumsiness eased both of your nerves, helping you to realize that you were still the same people under the fancy clothes. You hugged Sirius and said, “You look marvelous. Thank you for going to this awful party with me.”

Sirius had a wicked grin, ran his hands up and down your bare back and said, “I dunno, might not be so bad.”

You rolled your eyes and said, “At least it might keep your hands off my arse for one night.”

“Night’s still young,” Sirius replied, wiggling his eyebrows.

“This is true. Might have to cop a feel of my own, then.”

“My bum is yours to fondle, love.”

* * *

Sirius was the best escort ever. He never left your side except to fetch you drinks, never looked at another girl (though a few flirted shamelessly with him,) and generally looked at you like you were the only girl in the world.

“Care to dance?” he asked gallantly.

“Are you serious?” you asked in surprise, then immediately realizing your mistake.

Sirius threw his head back in his wonderful bark like laugh. “Yes I am, in fact,” he answered predictably.

“I can’t dance for shit, sweetheart, you know what a klutz I am.”

“I won’t let you fall, love,” he said softly.

You followed him out to the dance floor and he pulled you close. It was a slow song and Sirius led you through simple steps. In this moment, you felt graceful in his arms. You stopped looking at your feet and looked into his eyes with a small smile.

“See? Just follow my lead, darling,” he whispered in your ear as he pulled you even closer.

After a few twirls and more laughter, Sirius pulled you close again and ran his fingertips down your back slowly, causing you to shiver at the the sensation. “Have I told you how much I love this dress?” he asked in a husky whisper.

It took you a moment to tear your gaze away from Sirius’ beautiful face. “You can borrow it if you like. I’m sure you would look amazing in it,” you joked weakly.

Sirius took a deep breath to collect himself and said, “Of course I would, darling.”

* * *

James was having his usual party over the holidays. You were really looking forward to it – though you could certainly do without a repeat of last year’s catastrophe.

You had received an owl from James that while he was still hosting a gathering this year it was going to be more laid back with fewer guests but everyone was invited to stay from Boxing Day until New Year’s Day. And the best part was you were all going to see Star Wars!!

When you arrived by floo, you found that the Potter lounge had been overtaken by teenagers with blankets and pillows. Apparently it was going to be a five night sleepover.

“Y/N!” you heard Sirius cry from the doorway. He swooped over and swept you into a hug and planting a big kiss on your cheek.

You laughed as you hugged him back, saying, “It’s only been a few days since we saw each other, Sirius. I didn’t expect such a hero’s welcome.”

James and the other guests who had already arrived appeared behind Sirius and James said, “He’s been waiting for you since he woke up. To be fair, he slept until noon…”

You all laughed and Lily grabbed your hand and said, “Here, I’ll show you where us girls are going to keep our things and change.”

With a little wave, you followed Lily upstairs with the rest of the girls.

“Could you be any more obvious, Padfoot?” James said quietly so only Sirius could hear.

“Shut it, Prongs. I’m just happy to see her.”

“Oh, I thought that was your wand in your pocket!” James joked, then dodged Sirius’ smack.

* * *

The evening was filled with laughter and games. Charades was a blast, and though the boys tried to introduce every kissing game known to mankind, the girls managed to nix the suggestions.

Finally there were more yawns than laughs and bedtime was declared. You all got ready and found your way to whatever pile of blankets you had claimed as your own. You had chosen the pile nearest the Christmas tree. You loved to watch the fairy lights twinkle as you went to sleep. Many a night at home you had fallen asleep in front of the tree and your mum or dad had carried you off to bed.

Tonight, even though you were tired, the events of the last few days ran through your head. Dancing with Sirius, laughing with him, cuddling with him…Merlin. You thought you had learned how to ignore your infatuation with him, but you were feeling decidedly non-platonic toward him again.

“Hey.”

You looked away from the twinkling fairy lights to the handsome man with the shaggy hair who knelt next to you. “Hey,” you whispered softly.

“Come with me,” he said as he grabbed your hand.

The two of you tiptoed out of the lounge and quietly went up the stairs to his room. As he shut the door and spelled on the lights, you smiled and said, “You better not be bringing me up here to try and get in my knickers, young man!”

Sirius smiled back and said, “No, I have something for you.”

You squeaked and said, “Oh! I have something for you as well! It’s in my bag, I’ll be right back.” You opened the door to go down the hallway and tripped on the rug, almost falling before Sirius caught you around the waist and pulled you upright, your back pressed against his chest.

“Godric, Y/N, how often do you fall when I’m not around?” your hero whispered.

“An embarrassing amount, actually,” you whispered as you looked over your shoulder at him, finding yourself nose to nose with Sirius. You cleared your throat as you turned your head and said, “Be right back.”

Sirius held onto your for another moment before releasing you. “Be careful,” he whispered and slapped your behind lightly as you walked away. You glared over your shoulder at him but honestly, you had given up on him keeping his hands to himself.

You came back with a good size package wrapped in kiddie Christmas paper with a giant bow and lots of sparkly ribbons. Sirius had a tiny box with just a bow. He had sat cross-legged on his bed so you hopped on across from him, knees almost touching.

You loved giving him gifts and we’re squirming with excitement as usual. “Open yours!!”

Sirius smiled and began tearing into the package. Truth was he was nervous about his gift for you and welcomed the delay. When he opened the box he found layers and wads of tissue paper. Digging in he came up with a motorcycle boot. Like the gloves, it was black leather and embossed with his initials.

“Sorry it isn’t more original, but i thought your feet would get cold, too,” you said with a grin.

“They’re great, thank you!”

“Dig in, there’s more!”

Sirius shook his head and grinned. “You really do like to spoil me, don’t you?”

“Love it!” you said excitedly.

The next wad of paper held a watch with a black leather band. “I know you got a nice watch for your birthday but I thought you might like one just for everyday?”

“I do, thanks,” he said, a little overwhelmed.

“Keep going!”

“Are you kidding?” he asked, digging through the paper and coming up with a small wrapped box. Unwrapping it, he found an expensive cologne.

“Are you saying I smell bad, darling?” Sirius joked.

“Merlin, no!!” you said, missing the teasing glint in his eye. “You always smell great, clean but like a man and the outdoors.” You realized what you said and blushed. “I just liked it and thought you might, too,” you said quietly, eyes downcast.

Sirius grabbed you and pulled you into his lap for a hug. “Love, I was kidding. But it’s very very nice to know you like how I smell,” he said with a wicked grin.

You covered your face with your hands and groaned. “I am never going to live this down, am I?”

“Not anytime soon, darling,” he said as he gave you a squeeze.

“There’s one more present,” you said as you scooted off his lap to sit next to him.

Sirius dug in one more time and came out with an album filled with pictures of him and his mates. He looked up at her with glistening eyes and said, “How did you get all these?”

“I knew you had to leave a lot of stuff behind when you left those horrid people who miraculously produced you. So I have been bothering everyone to get copies and extras so you could have your memories.”

Sirius was speechless.

“Do you not like it?” you asked in a small voice.

“I love it. I love,” he paused here before clearing his throat and saying, “I love it all. And this is the most thoughtful gift I have ever received. Thank you.”

Sirius pulled you close for a long hug, basking in your ability to make him feel special. Pulling away, he handed you the gift he got you and said, “I hope you like it.”

You smiled and opened the box. Inside was a jewelry box, and when you snapped open the lid there was an intricately engraved gold locket. “Oh, Sirius, it’s beautiful!” you said as you gently pulled the chain from the box.

“Open it,” he said excitedly.

You looked at him and smiled and used your thumbnail to open the catch on the locket. In it, there was a picture of you and Sirius smiling into each other’s eyes while you danced together at the Christmas party the week before. “Oh, sweetie it’s perfect! That was the best night ever,” you said with a gasp. Then you noticed the inscription: To the most beautiful dance partner ever. Love, Sirius.

You threw your arms around his neck and said, “Thank you thank you thank you I love it!” You pulled back and peppered his face with kisses, making him laugh and pull you close again, leaning back against his pillows. As he rubbed your back, you sighed contentedly as you looked at the picture in your locket and remembered that wonderful night with this wonderful man.

“I do believe you’re my favorite person, Sirius Black,” you said against his chest.

Sirius laughed a bit and said, “The feeling is mutual, darling.”

You tilted your head back to look him in the eye and give a cheeky grin and said, “I’m telling James.”

“Don’t you dare, it would break his heart,” he said as he lightly slapped your backside.

“Merlin, you really do take any excuse to touch my bum. Are you this gropey with James?”

Sirius did not dignify this with an answer.

After a few more minutes of cuddling, you said, “We should probably go back downstairs.”

Sirius sighed and said, “Can’t we just sleep here? I’m comfortable.”

“Merlin, no! Your Mum would have a fit. Besides, I didn’t get anyone else pressies so they can’t see all your goodies. James would cry like a baby.”

“Too true. All right, I’ll go back down but I demand we continue our cuddle.”

You smiled up at him and said, “Deal!”

You tiptoed downstairs and back to your blankets, Sirius moving his over next to yours and settling down to spoon you while you looked at the twinkling lights. You were wearing your locket and opening it to look at the picture occasionally, which made Sirius smile and pull you closer.

“You really love Christmas, don’t you, darling?” he whispered next to your ear.

You nodded and bonked your head into his nose with a whispered, “Sorry!”

He chuckled and said, “Will you help me decorate my house next year?”

You looked over your shoulder, smiling widely. “Absolutely!! I can’t wait!” you said as you rolled over to hug him, then settled in to sleep cuddled against his side. There was going to be a next year with Sirius.


	10. Chapter 10

The next day saw a blurry-eyed group of teenagers standing in line to see Star Wars. It was opening day and you were so excited you could hardly stay still. It was freezing and you all huddled together for warmth. Sirius had his arm around you and was wearing the spelled boots and gloves that you got him. You wished you had some of your own.

“Y’know my hands are nice and toasty. I could put them on your –” Sirius began before you clapped your mittened hand over his mouth.

“Sirius Orion Black, you will not in any way distract me from this movie. You will not grope me, trick me into groping you, whisper dirty suggestions into my ear or anything else. In fact, maybe I should just sit –” Sirius clapped his hand over your mouth and whispered, “I’ll behave. I want to see this with you.”

* * *

You sat next to Sirius, of course. He was not allowed to hold the popcorn, though. He said that the popcorn trick was beneath him but you weren’t taking any chances.

When he dropped his arm around you, he didn’t attempt to grope you even once. And when you couldn’t wait and had to use the loo, he held your hand when you got back and whispered what had happened while you were gone.

In short, it was the second best non-date you had ever been on.

* * *

The next few days were a blur of laughter and fun. Sirius was with you nearly every moment. Once when he came into the lounge and you were sitting on a full couch, he sat on your lap. He always sought your touch, as if he were starving for warmth and tenderness his entire life and you were a banquet of affection.

Not that you minded. You were never a hugely demonstrative person, and often shied away from casual touches. Yet with Sirius, you found yourself stroking his hair, rubbing his arm and holding his hand without a thought. The affection between you was natural and comfortable. You had both missed this.

Yet when New Year’s Eve rolled around, you were nervous. You and Sirius might be joined at the hip lately, but you were afraid of midnight and vowed to go to the loo. Satisfied with your genius plan, you kept a close eye on the clock, preparing to sneak off at a few minutes to midnight.

James had invited more people over for the New Year’s portion of the festivities, so the room was far more crowded that the last few days. And of course, you had to watch girls throw themselves at Sirius left and right, which definitely brought back some unpleasant memories from last year.

You watched him traverse the crowded dance floor with drinks for the two of you. Once or twice he was stopped by hands rubbing his chest trying to get him to dance but he just turned his back and kept heading your way.

“Thanks,” you said as he sat back down next to you, handing you a drink and then casually dropping his arm around your shoulders.

“Welcome, love,” he said with a wink.

“Does it ever bother you?”

“What?” he asked, having no idea what you were asking.

“I saw how girls were just groping you. Does it ever bother you? You act almost like you don’t notice,” you asked.

“Jealous, darling?”

“Can you ever just talk to me without throwing in innuendo?” you asked in an irritated voice.

“Yes, it annoys me. I don’t like being grabbed by random people.”

“Then why do you just ignore it?”

“What am I supposed to do?” he said almost rhetorically, shrugging and taking a sip of his drink, then turning and looking you in the eye. “If it bothers you so much, tell them to keep their hands off your man.”

You jumped up and said, “Need the loo,” and walked off quickly, cursing yourself for a coward.

* * *

Sirius was anxiously searching for you. You had been gone too long to be using the loo unless you had contracted food poisoning. He knew he had upset you with his smartass remark. When would he learn to keep his mouth shut?

The clock was going to strike midnight and he was determined to be with you at midnight to make up for last year. Even if it was just a peck on the cheek, your New Year’s kiss would be him and his would be you.

If he could find you, that is.

He stalked through the Halls of the house, well beyond the party zone. He finally found you in a hallway looking at a photo of all of you from the summer after fifth year. He came over to stand next to you. “Love? Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” you said. “Just wondering who these goofy kids are.”

Sirius put his arm around you and said, “It’s almost midnight. Wanna go back to the party?”

“Sure,” you answered, turning to head back down the hallway.

“Hey, I’m sorry if I was a berk in there. Seems to be my natural state,” he said with a deprecating half smile.

“No, it’s fine. I didn’t mean to sound so critical. I just don’t like to be touched, so I wondered if it bothered you.”

Sirius stopped dead and turned to look at you, saying, “Wait, you don’t like to be touched?”

You laughed at the stunned expression on his face. “No, sweetheart, I really don’t.”

“What about when…I touch you?” he asked uncertainly.

You threw your arms around your neck and said, “Sirius, I love it when you touch me.”

Sirius hugged you back and said, “I’m so relieved I’m not even going to make a perverted remark.”

You laughed and snuggled into his neck, dropping a kiss onto it.

You both stiffened as you heard a clock strike midnight and then a bunch of drunken yells from the lounge. You leaned back in Sirius’ arms to look into his eyes, and he leaned forward to brush his lips against yours. “Happy New Year, Y/N.”

“Ha-happy New Year, Sirius,” you stuttered.

He smiled and tucked your hair behind your ear. “Back to the party, love?”

You nodded your agreement and he took your hand to walk back to the party.

* * *

You pretty much stayed up all night. The party raged on until the very early hours of the morning and those of you still at the Potter house sort of slept where you landed.

Which is how you woke up with a stiff neck and Sirius drooling on your shoulder a few hours later when the sun peeked through the window.

Merlin, Sirius had kissed you.

But it was midnight on New Year’s Eve, did that even count?

You had so many doubts.

Your friends had been telling you for ages that he was mad for you. Was the kiss proof? Or were you simply the nearest female at midnight?

He let out a little snort in his sleep and you laughed and stroked his hair. His beautiful gray eyes slowly opened and he smiled at you. You leaned forward and kissed the tip of his nose.

“Good morning, love,” he said in a voice husky from sleep.

“Morning,” you whispered.

“We have to go home today,” he said, his face wrinkling into a frown.

“We’ll see each other in a few days at school,” you said, running your fingertips over the frown lines between his eyes.

“Yeah, but I find I’ve grown used to waking up next to you every day. It’s quite nice.”

“Me, too,” you said, joining him in his frown.

“Especially when you snore. You have a delightful little noise you make,” he laughed quietly.

“Says the mongrel who left a puddle of drool on my shoulder,” you responded indignantly.

Sirius looked at your shoulder and said, “Bloody hell, you weren’t kidding,” he said, barking a laugh.

“Shut UP, you two!” an irritated voice that sounded an awful lot like Lily growled.

You and Sirius smiled and got up from the couch. As soon as you made it to the hallway, you hurried to the stairs and Sirius, who now knew your morning routine well, started pulling you back as you ran for the loo.

“Stop it, you great oaf! I’m gonna wet my knickers!”

“You say this to me every morning yet you never follow through,” he said, poking your sides and picking you up to keep you from escaping.

As you squirmed against him, Sirius realized that perhaps early morning wasn’t the best time for this sort of shenanigans when morning wood could rear its ugly head.

“Off you go,” he said as he put you down and lightly tapped your bum. You scampered up the steps promising retribution.

* * *

You had been back to school for a few weeks. Sirius had been looking in all your usual haunts and had been unable to find you. It was a cold dreary day and he expected to find you near the fire in the common room or in the library. Your roommates had no clue where you were. He finally went and got the Marauder’s Map from James and found you in a remote part of the castle and headed there to find you in person.

You had been quiet lately but insisted nothing was wrong. He was tired of your evasions and was determined to get answers.

“Might have known you’d hunt me down. You’re like a dog with a bone,” you said with a half smile as you saw Sirius approach.

“Very funny. Haven’t heard that one before, darling,” he responded sarcastically but not unkindly.

You were in a window seat, arms wrapped around your knees, gazing out into the dreary winter sky, the weather matching your mood of late. Sirius approached you and sat next to you, pulling your legs across his lap and resting his chin on your knees to look into your eyes.

“So what’s going on with you, darling?” he asked.

“What do you mean?” you hedged.

“You’ve been…different for a while now. Something is bothering you. I want to help you if I can.”

You leaned back against the wall and contemplated your words. “Actually, this might make you happy. Give you a chance to say ‘told ya so’ and such.”

“Go on…”

“I believe I have a bit of an unrequited love, actually. Took me a while to admit it to myself. Now I’m trying to figure out how to deal with it.”

Sirius felt his stomach turn over, half in hope and half in dread. “Who?” he whispered.

“Ah ah ah. Didn’t say I’d tell you that.”

“You show me yours and I’ll show you mine,” he said with a smirk.

“Ha you’ll show yours to anyone for the time of day.”

“Being too literal, darling. I mean that I also have feelings for someone I don’t think will wind up with me.”

“Really? Since when?”

“Beginning of third year.”

“Sirius, no!! And she doesn’t know? She’s not one of your harem?” you asked, feeling disappointed.

“Nope.”

“So. You have had a thing for the same girl since 3rd year? Yet you’ve managed to shag half the girls at school?”

“I don’t think there have been that many, to be honest,” he said, a little defensive.

“Still, we respond completely differently to the same situation: I take a vow of celibacy because I can’t be with the man I want. You take a vow of promiscuity. We’re quite a pair.”

“In case you hadn’t noticed, I haven’t dated anyone for quite a while,” he answered indignantly.

“I was being polite. Shagged, then.”

“Is this any of your business?” Sirius asked, rather hoping you would say yes.

You sighed. “No, of course it isn’t. It would only be my business if we were together.” That hurt. Both of you.

“Look,” Sirius said slowly, as if choosing his words carefully. “I never thought I could be with the girl that I really really want. So, I figured ‘Love the one you’re with,’ y’know?” quoting the song by Crosby, Still & Nash.

You pondered his logic. “Pretty sure that’s man thinking. I couldn’t abide someone I didn’t care about touching me.”

“Well, eventually I got there. I haven’t been with anyone in a long time.”

“How long?” you asked, breathless and intrigued. “I mean, just out of curiosity.”

Sirius hesitated, afraid to reveal too much and open himself up to rejection and anguish. “Over a year,” he finally answered sheepishly, looking down and rubbing the back of his neck.

“Wow,” you responded, truly surprised and utterly defeated. If a girl could keep the great Sirius Black out of circulation without even dating him, she must be amazing. And intimidating. “She must be something special,” you finally responded weakly.

“She’s extraordinary.”

You nodded, recognizing the adoration Sirius felt for this girl and understanding completely why he had not told her. You were doing the same thing, after all. “I think you should tell her. Who could resist you?”

“Same. Who could resist you? Especially since you would be breaking your own rules to be with him?”

“Plenty of people can resist me. Believe it or not, you’re the only one that gropes me on a regular basis,” you joked. “But that’s not really it.”

“Then what is it?” Sirius asked, stroking your hair gently.

You took a deep breath. “Still in school, but mostly…I just don’t think he likes me that way. He’s my friend.”

Sirius didn’t know what to say. He wanted to say, “I’m right here. I want you, I adore you!” Yet that little boy inside of him that never received any affection from his family, that never really knew the healing power of a gentle touch, that tried to fill the emptiness inside him with sex because he knew it wouldn’t hurt to be rejected if he asked for nothing meaningful – that little boy was terrified. That little boy wasn’t sure he was the man she wanted. So that little boy answered, “He’d be a fool not to like you.”

You smiled sadly. “It’s kind of you to say so. I guess it remains to be seen if he is a fool or not. But enough about my pathetic lack of a love life. Who is your heart beating madly for these days? Or…you know…whichever part of you beats for her,” you added with a wink.

Sirius reached down and poked you in your most ticklish rib and said in a warning tone, “Do we need to have a tickle lesson, darling?”

“No!!! No, really. Who is your unrequited love?”

“You didn’t show me yours. I may be easy but I’m not cheap.”

You laughed at that and leaned forward to hug him, feeling him kiss the top of your head.

Sirius closed his eyes and inhaled your fragrance. Breaking the hug before he did something to reveal his feelings (like kiss you silly,) he hopped up and pulled you to your feet. “Come on, I’m hungry. And you weren’t at breakfast so you must be, too.”

“Yeah, I guess I am,” you replied, allowing him to tuck you into his side with his arm around your waist, his hand ever roaming to your backside as you slapped it and said, “No. Bad, Padfoot.”


	11. Chapter 11

As the weeks passed, you and Sirius kept to the status quo: ignore the obvious and protect your hearts. Having some part of the other is better than none at all if feelings aren’t returned.

Your friends were really really sick of your angst.

But life goes on. What with regular coursework and NEWTs prep, you had a built-in excuse to ignore the elephant in the room. Sirius was even taking his studies more…well, seriously.

But when tensions run high and anxieties build up, sometimes you just need to blow off a little steam. Marauders solution: Party.

The crowd was huge and loud at the Gryffindor Do We Really Need A Reason? Party. The reason, of course, was that everyone was on edge from studying for NEWTs and needed a break. As per usual, the Marauders had smuggled in butterbeer and firewhiskey but were keeping an eye on the bar so only older kids could partake.

Sirius and you had been playfully dancing earlier until James dragged Sirius off to settle an argument over some trivial thing. The next thing you knew, Sirius had been dragged to the dance floor by three or four of his adoring female fans.

When Sirius extracted himself politely from their grasping hands and spotted you again, you were listening to a Ravenclaw with rapt attention. Remus made his way over to where Sirius was brooding against the wall, sipping on his firewhiskey, obviously watching you goofing around with other members of the Slug Club gathered around you. Male members of the Slug Club. As you were surrounded by your many admirers, Sirius seethed and Remus snickered.

“Something funny, mate?” Sirius said rather snidely.

“A bit, yeah.”

“Well, share the joke. I could use a laugh.”

“Somehow, I don’t think you’d see the humor, my friend,” Remus replied with a snort, taking a sip of his drink.

“Sod off, Moony.”

“You do have to admit there’s a bit of poetic justice at play. You finally get to find out what it’s like from her point of view,” Remus said smugly.

“If, in fact, she cared I would grovel an apology,” he sneered, his jealousy making him lash out at Remus.

“When are you going to tell her?” Remus asked.

Sirius didn’t respond immediately, considering whether to bother answering Remus. He gazed at you in your peasant top and faded jeans. Your y/h/c hair was unfussed, yet soft and lovely. As you threw your head back to laugh at a joke one of your clubmates made, Sirius noted one particular prick looking down your top. He ground his teeth and said, “I’m not,” before tossing back the rest of his drink.

“Why not?” asked Remus, surprised to see the former playboy at such a loss.

“She doesn’t think of me that way.”

Remus scoffed. “Does she actually say that she doesn’t think of you that way? Because she acts differently around you than other people. I would wager quite a lot that she thinks of you that way, Padfoot.”

Sirius flicked his eyes from you to Remus briefly to see if he was taking the piss out of him but could sense no joke in his friend’s expression.

“I don’t think it matters, really. She’s still got the no dating until after school policy. She also thinks I’m a “great man-trollop” so I doubt I would be the one to change her mind.”

“Mate, let’s face it. You have made the rounds.”

Sirius shrugged. “I can’t change the past. I never made anyone any promises or said I loved them. I’ve never cheated and I never knowingly helped someone else cheat. Besides,” he muttered, “I’ve been out of circulation for quite a while, if you hadn’t noticed, mate.”

“Merlin, I just thought you had learned discretion!” Remus said in amazement. “D’you mean to tell me you haven’t –”

Watching you closely, Sirius growled,“Bloody hell! That little twat Martin just grabbed Y/N’s ass!”

“You sure?” Remus replied. He hadn’t seen anything, and Sirius was more than a little irrational where you were concerned.

“There! Did you see that? He copped a feel of her breast! And she stumbled a bit. I’m going over.”

Before Remus could reply, Sirius was storming across the common room, anger flooding his face. “Shit,” he mumbled, following Sirius in hopes of preventing a bloodbath.

* * *

The music was loud and the crowd was pressed. You were having a good time but it was really growing warm. And were you perhaps a bit dizzy? But you couldn’t be drunk. You knew you were a bit of a lightweight but two butterbeers shouldn’t have you stumbling. And that fifth year Martin kept touching you, and he had just put his arm around you and started moving you away from the crowd like a sheepdog cutting a lamb from the flock.

Suddenly, you felt another arm around you from the other side.

“And where are you off to, Martin?” Sirius asked deceptively mildly.

“Mind your own business, Black. Y/N and I, we’re having a bit of a chat.”

You began pulling away from Martin, sensing the ugliness in his intentions. “Lemme go,” you slurred, holding tightly to Sirius. Remus pushed in between Martin and you, recognizing at last that your behavior was far from normal; you simply did not drink to the point of drunkenness.

James, Peter and Frank noticed the disturbance and made their way over. Sirius was holding you to his chest while Remus was trying to discern what Martin had done to you.

“Sirius, I don’t feel s’good,” you mumbled as you became even more unstable on your heeled clogs.

Sirius swept you into his arms and carried you to his dorm to lie down, placing you carefully on his bed. As he stepped away, you cried, “Stay with me! The room is spinning. What’s wrong with me?”

“Hush, love,” Sirius comforted. “I’m just going to get you a drink of water.”

When Sirius returned with a glass of cool water, you drank deeply and thanked him.

“Are you feeling better, darling?” Sirius asked gently, still concerned.

“I still feel so strange,” you said, yanking Sirius down close to her.

“What are you doing?” Sirius asked, sprawling next to you on his bed as you made yourself comfortable tucked up against him.

“Wanna cuddle with you,” you answered, draping your arm across Sirius’ chest to curl your hand around his neck, thumb stroking his quickening pulse.

Sirius settled himself next to you. He was both in turmoil and at peace this close to the contrary girl he was crazy for. This was so much more intimate than your usual cuddling. As you scooted still closer to him and began nuzzling his neck, he groaned and said weakly, “Please, Y/N, you are not yourself. Stop.”

You placed a quick kiss to the pulse at the base of Sirius’ throat. “Have I ever told you how sexy your neck is, Sirius?” you asked, ignoring his warning.

“Y/N please,” he moaned as you began to lick and suck at the tender skin under his jaw, then pulled his face to yours and kissed him lightly, tentatively. Sirius pulled back and looked into your eyes and said, “Please want this tomorrow, love.” You responded by kissing him again, more deeply this time, and Sirius allowed himself to enjoy kissing the girl he loved. All of his fantasies were coming true with the most beautiful, perfect woman in the world. And you were currently sucking on his neck and marking him as your own. You had slipped your hand under his shirt onto his stomach, twirling your fingers around his navel and through his treasure trail and beginning to dip lower. And his body was asking him to show you how much he loved you in a very physical way, his hips involuntarily twitching forward to move closer to your hand.

Sirius made a growling sound before grabbing your hands and pulling them away from him. As he moved to stand next to the bed, you whined, “Sirius, I want to touch you.”

“Love, if you want to touch me tomorrow you can do anything you want to me. But right now, you need to go to sleep.”

“But I love you,” you mumbled, your eyelids beginning to fall. “We would make beautiful babies.”

Sirius made a noise somewhere between a laugh and a whimper as he guided you under the covers and stroked your hair until you fell asleep.

Babies. A life with you, a family. The thought filled his heart with warmth. Sirius never believed that he was the type to deserve those things, but maybe someday you would allow yourself to acknowledge the feelings he hoped you had but had not yet faced. At least, one of them was deluding him-or-her-self. He just hoped it was not him.

“Love you, too, darling girl.”

Sirius watched you settle down into peaceful slumber, then he got his body under control and went to find Martin and take some of his frustration out on him.

* * *

As Sirius slipped out of his dorm, Remus was approaching, and as he opened his mouth to speak his eyes took in the red marks all over the left side of Sirius’ neck and throat.

Remus’ expression darkened as he said, “What the hell, Padfoot!”

“What?” Sirius snapped.

“What happened to your neck?” Remus bit out, a promise of trouble in his eyes if he did not care for Sirius’ answer.

Sirius clapped a hand over it. He had no idea that it was bad enough that it was already turning. “She got a little grabby before she passed out. She gets affectionate when she forgets she thinks I’m a manwhore.”

“Right,” Remus responded, not in the mood to try to convince his friend of your feelings. “Well, Minnie has looked at Y/N’s drink and thinks she should be taken to the hospital wing.”

“Good, I’ll go get her.”

“Ya sure you should?”

“Why not?” Sirius asked indignantly.

“Because you look like you’re the one who tried to take advantage of her.”

“Merlin, if anything she assaulted me,” he assured Remus.

“Either way, I’ll take her to hospital,” Remus announced.

Sirius struggled with the idea of letting another man, even one he trusted as completely as Remus, near you when you were so vulnerable. Finally, he conceded that Remus was partially right. “Alright, we’ll both go,” Sirius concluded.

* * *

“Uuuuughh oh my Godric what happened to my head?” you moaned upon awakening the next morning.

“Y/N! We were so worried about you!!” Lily exclaimed as your roommates scampered to your bedside.

“I feel like I jumped off the Astronomy Tower and landed on my head. And my mouth tastes like I chewed on a flobberworm’s tail,” you said, making a face.

Lily handed you a potion and a glass of water. “Martin slipped something into your drink. Remus took you to see Madame Pomfrey after we took your drink to Professor McGonagall. She gave us this potion for you for when you woke up but said you needed sleep.”

“Martin?!?! Why in Merlin’s name would he do that?”

“The boys caught him trying to lead you off. They took him out in the hallway and took turns pointing out to him why it was a bad idea to do that. He’s still in the Hospital Wing. And the boys all have detention. But he will probably be expelled.”

“Wow. I just…wow. I don’t remember anything at all.”

“What is the last thing you do remember?” Marlene asked.

You scrunched your face and concentrated. “Sirius and I were dancing and James dragged him away. He said he’d be back in a minute, but then he was dancing with a bunch of his fans. So I started talking to Martin when he said hello because I knew him from Slug Club. That’s about it.”

“Of course Sirius was off with his harem,” Lily said with a touch of scorn in her voice.

Marlene sniffed indignantly. “Great. Now his dick is getting people he hasn’t even slept with in trouble.”

“Guys, he’s not my nanny or my boyfriend. We were just dancing.”

“Still. He said he was coming back and didn’t. That’s not cool,” Lily stated stubbornly.

“Sirius would never knowingly put me in danger, you know that” you defended him.

“Depends on which head he’s thinking with,” Mary piped in.

“Well, I feel a bit better and I’m hungry, so I think I would like to have a shower,” you said, hoping they would drop the subject.

Your friends helped you up and made sure you were steady on your feet before you made your way in to shower and get dressed. It was Saturday so you could relax and figure out everything that happened later.

* * *

“Whoa, Padfoot, did you run repeatedly into a low-hanging branch or something? Those are some nasty bruises on your neck,” James observed loudly when Sirius joined them at the Gryffindor table for breakfast. He was exhausted from dwelling on the events of the evening late into the night after returning you to your dorm room from the Hospital Wing.

“Sod off, Prongs. A gentleman never tells,” Sirius growled.

“Since when are you a gentleman?” James asked seriously.

When you came into the Great Hall with your friends, Sirius saw you immediately. He had been watching the doors for your arrival and planned to go and visit you after breakfast if you hadn’t shown by then. He jumped to his feet and ran over to you and pulled you into a hug, saying, “Merlin, love, I was so worried about you.”

You returned Sirius’ hug while Lily muttered, “Too little, too late.”

As they pulled apart, Sirius turned to Lily with a questioning look on his face. With his head turned away, you had an excellent view of Sirius’ throat, which was covered in love bites.

Quickly looking down, you had a feeling of anguish in the pit of your stomach. Sure, you had seen Sirius with similar decorations before, but not for quite a while. It hurt. Then you reminded yourself of what you had said to your friends: Sirius was not your nanny. And he was not your boyfriend.

But you felt jealous and possessive of him and didn’t want to be around him with the constant reminders of his recreational activities displayed on his throat. Merlin, you thought you were past this!

“I don’t guess I’m feeling as well as I thought, actually. I think I’ll just head back up to my bed.”

“I’ll walk you,” Sirius offered eagerly.

“No!” you replied rather too loudly, then forced a weak smile to your lips. “No, Lily will take me, won’t you, Lil?”

“Course I will,” Lily responded, taking you by the arm and leading you out of the Great Hall while Sirius stood in confused silence.

“What did you expect?” Marlene said rather nastily. “You went off and got covered in hickeys while Y/N nearly got dragged off and raped. You said you’d be right back.”

“Wait, is that what she thinks?” Sirius responded rather loudly.

Remus, James and Peter came over to see why Sirius and Marlene looked like they were about to draw their wands on each other.

“What’s going on, you two?” Remus asked quietly.

“This…slutboy…left Y/N alone to go off with one of his toys and she almost got hurt!”

Remus could see that Sirius was about to lose his temper, which was never a good thing. He grabbed his friend’s arm before he could formulate a response, and said to Marlene as he began dragging Sirius out of the Great Hall, “Look, Marlene, there was a lot of confusion last night, but Sirius was with me and noticed that Y/N was not all right. We’ll explain more later, but Y/N deserves to hear the story first, yeah?”

With that, Remus got Sirius away from the group and out in the foyer.

“That’s what she thinks of me, Moony? After all this time?”

Remus couldn’t decide whether his friend sounded more angry or hurt.

“Mate, she doesn’t know what to think right now. We need to talk to her and fill in the gaps in her memory. You need to fill in blanks for her.”

“What’s the point, Moony? Sounds like she’s made up her mind about me,” Sirius said sadly. “I’m going for a walk. Tell her whatever you want. Or nothing. I don’t care.”


	12. Chapter 12

Remus was torn. He worried that if he didn’t act quickly, Sirius would bury his hurt so deeply that he would lose the person he loved most forever. He also worried that if he interfered he would lose one of his best friends forever.

He decided to consult James on the subject. If nothing else, he would need his help in getting past his dragonlike girlfriend.

James had gotten your roommates to leave you alone somehow and then you heard knocking on the door. Expecting it to be Sirius, you whipped open the door in your pyjamas, which consisted of yet another of Sirius’ t-shirts.

“Sirius, I’m fine, I just need rest – Oh. Hello Remus. Where’s Sirius?” you asked, grabbing your robe off the bed and putting it on.

“I don’t actually know where he is. He was pretty hurt after Marlene told him you blamed him for what happened last night while he was off being a slut-boy,” Remus said angrily.

“What?? Remus, I never said any of that! They asked me what the last thing I remembered was and I said that Sirius went off with James and said he’d be right back, then got caught dancing with some of his fan club. I never said that he was to blame in any way. In fact I said he was neither my boyfriend nor my nanny. I didn’t do this,” you defended yourself.

“Well, I’m not the one you need to say this to, Y/N.”

“Where is he?” you asked again while you threw your robe off to go and find clothes.

“I don’t know where he is. He took the map with him. But if I had to guess, he’s in the shrieking shack. Oh, and by the way, the hickeys? That was you. Don’t you think it’s time to tell him how you feel?”

* * *

Sirius had shown you how to disable the Whomping Willow after he told you he was an animagus, so you knew how to get to him. At least you hoped he was there. Creepy crawly tunnels by yourself were not your cup of tea.

As you slowly made your way through the tunnel, wand lighting the way and eyes on the ground so you didn’t trip and kill yourself without Sirius there to catch you, you thought about what you were going to say to him.

Merlin, maybe you should just come clean. He was your friend; worst case scenario he would laugh at you, crushing your soul and removing your will to live. No big deal.

You came out into the shack and went up into the bedroom. There was Padfoot, curled up looking directly at the door but not moving a muscle.

“Sirius, can we talk?” you asked.

In answer, Padfoot stood up, turned in circles to find the best spot to lay in and collapsed back to the floor – with his butt facing you.

“Real subtle, Sirius,” you said sarcastically. “Well, I guess you don’t need you able to talk, just to listen. This might be better, at that.

“I never blamed you for what happened. It’s not your job to keep me safe. I’m an adult and it’s my job to take care of myself. Blaming you was done on my behalf by Lily and Marlene. Not me.”

You hesitated, more nervous than you had ever been in your life. “Right, sod it all, time to spill my guts. As for the hickeys…sweetheart, I was jealous. I was jealous of hickeys that I apparently gave you myself. 

“So there you have it. I don’t blame you, I never said any of the things that you thought I did, I’m jealous, oh! And I’m head over heels in love with you and I have been for years. So when you get tired of being doggy you let me know how you feel about all that.”

You turned and headed toward the stairs, but before you made it five steps, Sirius grabbed your arm and spun you into him and slammed his mouth over yours in a searing kiss, full of love and longing and passion and possessiveness and happiness. You wrapped your arms around his neck and ran your hands through his hair, wrapping your leg around his thigh to get even closer to him.

“I love you so much, Y/N,” he moaned while you repeatedly told him in whispers and growls that you loved him and he was yours. Passions were running high and your hands were inside his clothes trying to get to more of his heavenly skin when he stopped you.

“Sirius, I want you!” you whined.

“My darling, I am not making love to the woman of my dreams on the floor of a filthy haunted house. You deserve candles, flowers, romance…”

“I have an idea. Hold on!” you said as you apparated you and Sirius to his house.

Sirius was shocked. “Light some candles if you must, but meet me in the bedroom in like 14 seconds.”

Throwing his head back in his glorious laugh, he picked you up and carried you to your bedroom. In his mind, this house was his and yours together. Hell, you had even helped him pick out the mattress.

As he carried you over the threshold into the bedroom, he began to really kiss you, lips and teeth and tongue and breath and moans. You slid down his front to stand and began to slip your hands into each other’s clothes, feeling skin and pulling garments off until you stood bare before each other.

“You’re so beautiful,” you said to Sirius, running your hands over his chest.

“Me? Your body has been driving me to distraction for five years.”

You shyly reached over and ran your fingertips down his abdomen, following the trail of hair. “Is all this for me?” you asked with a lick of your lips.

Sirius threw his head back in ecstasy and let out a loud groan. He began to kiss you even more passionately, wetter and sloppier as he ran his hands up and down your sides, thumbs brushing the underside of your breasts until they made it to your nipples.

Your boldness was short-lived, but so was your nervousness. Sirius moved the two of you to the bed and laid you down on the soft, clean sheets, admiring your beauty and overcome with emotion at the reality of finally being with the woman of his dreams.

“Sirius, you’re staring.”

“Uh huh.”

“You look a little crazy.”

“I am.”

You laughed and pulled him down for a kiss. “Are you going to make love to me, sweetheart?”

“Eventually, yes. I just want to memorize you like this. I can’t believe you love me,” he said softly, a look of utter amazement mixed with adoration on his face.

“I can’t believe how bloody stupid we are,” you said with a laugh. “But, um…I have been lusting after you and having some very naughty dreams and fantasies about you for actual years, so if you could put out, that would be mmmmf –”

Sirius kissed you silly, as you had both dreamed so many times. You had one hand in his hair and the other rubbing his back and shoulders. When he broke the kiss to look you in the eyes, his pupils were so blown with lust that his eyes looked black. “Are you sure, my love? I need you to be absolutely positive.”

“Sirius, you are the love of my life. I could not possibly be more sure.”

Sirius groaned and kissed you again, his hands roaming all over your body, swallowing your gasps and moans with his mouth before moving his attention to your neck, giving you a matching set of hickeys. By Godric, no one was going to doubt whether you were together! His primitive mind growled in satisfaction at the thought.

You were lost in a world of new sensations as Sirius kissed and licked and sucked his way down your neck to place another mark on your collarbone. Then his hand moved to one breast while his mouth moved to the other and you saw stars. Your back arched off the bed, your breasts thrust into Sirius’ mouth and hands.

His clever mouth and hands moved down your belly, his tongue dipping into your navel, then biting another mark onto the soft skin there, eliciting a surprised squeak from you. Just as he licked still lower, you moaned his name and grabbed his hair, trying to pull him back up to kiss you. He said, “I have to taste you love.”

You groaned his name, his words and the husky tone of his voice causing your core to throb. Then his tongue swiped the very point that throbbed so furiously and you screamed his name, no longer pulling his head away but pushing your hips up to his mouth.

Sirius wrapped his hands around your hips, fingertips gripping you to hold you in place. Your whimpers and gasps were driving him insane. He took one hand off your hip and slowly inserted a finger into your wetness. “Oh love, you’re so perfect,” he said, then sucked your bud into his mouth while flicking his tongue against it, inserting another finger and teasing you from within at the same time.

You came apart. Every part of you felt exquisite pleasure the likes of which you never knew could exist. You writhed and moaned and screamed his name and other incomprehensible endearments and Sirius smiled at the thrashing, mindless woman in pride. Mine, he thought.

When you came back to yourself, Sirius kissed his way back up your body to kiss you deeply. “You’re perfect, darling. And delicious,” he said with a wicked grin, loving that you blushed.

“Do I get to taste you?” you responded, overcoming your blush.

Sirius’ entire body shivered at the visual of your lips wrapped around his cock and he groaned and hid his face in your neck. “Not now, love. I’m afraid I couldn’t take that right now.”

“Mmmm,” you said, licking his shoulder. “But if the rest of you is as delectable –”

Sirius kissed you hard, rubbing his hard length against your wet, sensitive core. “I have other plans for it, love.”

With that, he reached down and rubbed the head of his cock against your still-sensitive folds. “Sirius, yes,” you sighed.

He slowly pushed his length into your core, pausing a few times for you to adjust to his girth. He had never been with a virgin before and he was afraid to hurt you, so he was as gentle as he knew how to be. He wanted this to be as perfect for you as he knew it would be for him.

You felt yourself being deliciously filled. Your core was dripping with desire for Sirius which eased his entrance. You felt a moment of slight pain, then more fullness. Instinctively you wrapped your legs around Sirius and moaned, “Please, love,” not entirely sure what you were asking for, but Sirius understood and began to slowly pull his hips back before sliding back to meet yours.

You threw back your head and groaned, “Yesss, love you’re a bloody genius.”

Sirius smiled in one of his last coherent thoughts, loving how he felt buried as deep within you as he could get. When he felt you bite his shoulder, he reached between you and began rubbing your clit, knowing he wouldn’t last much longer and wanting you to peak with him.

Sirius felt you put one foot on the bed to thrust against him more powerfully while simultaneously pulling his hips closer, clawing his back and chanting his name. Suddenly he felt your inner muscles begin to spasm around him, driving him over the edge. He began to chase his own orgasm, thrusting into you less rhythmically, then felt his essence pour into you as he collapsed on you, moaning his love for you as he gasped for air.

Realizing he was probably crushing you, Sirius rolled to his side and pulled you with him. You were still panting and feeling delicious twitches. “Sirius, is this…normal?” you asked breathlessly.

“No, darling,” he said, pulling you closer and kissing you deeply. “I have never felt anything like that before in my life. I think you just showed me the difference between shagging and making love.”

You smiled dreamily at him. “I want to stay here forever. Can we stay here forever?”

“Unfortunately, no. But we have a while. Wanna take a bath?”

“Hmmmm cuddle with the man of my dreams in warm water and possibly explore his beautiful body in the process? Revolting,” you joked with a wink.

* * *

You apparated back to the Shrieking Shack before sunset, taking the tunnel back to the Whomping Willow. There were several kiss stops, initiated equally by both of you.

You couldn’t believe that this was happening. You felt the marvelous soreness between your legs and in muscles that you never knew you even had, but this was Sirius. This was the man you had been convincing yourself you could never have for as long as you could remember.

“Y/N?”

“Hmmm, yes, sweetheart?” you answered against his lips.

You felt Sirius smile, then he kissed you again and said, “I really hope this is a rhetorical question, but will you be my girlfriend?”

You leaned back to look him in the eye and say, “Oh, my love, yes, I will be your girlfriend. Will you be my boyfriend, lover, best friend and general favorite person?”

“Well…we need to save some part of me for James,” he said as if contemplating, until he felt you pinch his bum. “Yes, my love, we will be all of those things together.”

“Together,” you repeated softly.

* * *

“Why did we want them together again?” Remus groaned as Sirius’ bed scooted and the headboard banged against the wall. Silencing charms might cover the sounds within the pulled bed curtains, but when Sirius and you were rearranging furniture it was hard to ignore.

Since you had found each other, you had become rather obsessed with each other’s bodies. To be blunt, you were shagging like randy bunnies, and all too often in their dorm.

To your credit, when you came in to the room you were alone, and you always emerged from the bed curtains having made an effort to pretend you were doing something other than ravishing each other, but nobody was fooled.

Suddenly, Sirius came tumbling naked from the bed curtains, fairly obviously mid-coitus. Then your head appeared from between the curtains and said, “Oh my Godric, are you all right? I got a leg cramp!”

James laughed and said, “That right there, Remus, is why we wanted them to get together.”

Peter piped up and said, “I thought the time they forgot the silencing charm and Sirius was trying to dirty talk and Y/N didn’t get it and thought he was accusing her of cheating was best.”

Remus added, “This is a tough call. My favorite was when they fell in the shower and Sirius broke his arm, but I think this is moving into the top spot.”

Sirius had pulled a shirt over his crotch and was laughing with his mates, but your face peeking between the curtains was mortified. Sirius noticed this and said, “Sod off, wankers,” then got up and dived back into the curtains with you.

* * *

Sirius went to Professor McGonagall to request permission to leave campus for a weekend with you. At first she said it was out of the question, but then he showed her the diamond ring he had purchased and explained he wanted to ask your father’s permission. She actually got a tear in her eye. They both pretended it never happened.

You were so excited to see your parents and to present Sirius as your boyfriend. You floo’d from Professor McGonagall’s office to your parents’ lounge, excitedly greeting them. Your mum hugged Sirius and your Dad shook his hand with the universal look that says, “I will end you if you hurt her.”

You sat and visited, then your Dad, aka The Great Grillmaster, went out to prepare the grill for the steaks you were having for dinner. Sirius volunteered to go with him and your Dad offered him a muggle beer.

“That was positively civil, Mum! How did you do it?” you asked after they had closed the door to the garden.

“I told him that you had always loved him and he better get used to him, because he wasn’t going anywhere and if he did anything to alienate you I’d leave him.”

“Mum! You did not!”

“Your father was not pleased when you wrote that you were finally together. I always knew you two would wind up together, though, so I was prepared.”

You gave her a hug. “You are a very wise mum. Thank you.”

* * *

Sirius was sweating. It was not that warm out. He was really not good with fathers. He’d never really tried to be until you came along. Honestly, he never thought he would ever be having this talk, so he was actively terrified.

“So, Mr. Y/L/N. I know that Y/N and I haven’t actually been together as a couple for very long, but I have loved her for years. And,” he took a deep breath here, “I would like your blessing to ask her to marry me.”

Your Dad took a sip of his beer. “Bit young, aren’t you?” he answered rather more calmly than Sirius had expected.

“We are, sir, but as you know, I have a house and we both have solid plans for the future.”

“Marriage is hard, Sirius. It isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Love isn’t always enough, know what I mean?”

“I won’t entirely until we get there, but Y/N and I went through a lot to get where we are. I would die for her, but more importantly, I would live for her.”

Your dad gave Sirius a long look, debating. “You’ve had no contact with your family?”

“Unavoidable contact at school with my brother and cousins, but my parents are dead to me. I understand they burned me off the family tree.”

Your father nodded. The Black family name was synonymous with hatred and blood purity. If he had gone so far as to leave his family, that said a lot for the young man in front of him. With a war coming it was important to know which side Sirius would stand for.

“Alright. But the standard ‘hurt her and I’ll kill you’ threat applies,” he said, extending his hand.

Sirius shook your dad’s hand and said, “I would respect you less if it didn’t, sir.”

* * *

After dinner, Sirius asked if you wanted to pop over to his house to make sure everything was OK. You assumed he wanted a quickie and as soon as you apparated there you started kissing him. He laughed and said, “I like where you’re going with this, but there’s something I want to talk to you about.”

You were immediately concerned. “Are you alright? Did my Dad say something to you?”

“I’m fine, love,” he said, leading you to the sofa. “I just need to tell you something.”

“Yeah, alright,” you said, sitting next to him, still a bit worried.

Sirius cleared his throat and said, “Right. Y/N, you have been the best thing to ever happen to me. Even before we were together, you helped to make Hogwarts my home when mine was awful. Then you helped to make this house into a home. Now I realize, you are my home.” He leaned forward and kissed you gently, then dropped to one knee, removed a ring box from his pocket and said, “Will you be my home, my best friend, my general favorite person, my lover and my wife?”

Your hand flew to your mouth and your eyes went wide, but you immediately started nodding almost spastically. Tears filled your eyes as you threw your arms around Sirius’ neck, throwing him off balance and falling on him, and said, “Yes! Yes yes yes yes yes yes!!!!!”

Sirius laughed at the tangle you two made after you fell on him. He reckoned he was going to spend the rest of his life keeping you from falling and killing yourself. He squeezed you tighter and thought he was just about the luckiest bloke in the world.

~The End


End file.
